


Who You Really Are (DISCONTINUED)

by JellyBn



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, BoyxBoy, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Shounen ai, Yaoi, just a little, maybe only a little
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-23
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-02-18 12:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 29,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2348129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JellyBn/pseuds/JellyBn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama has finally started trusting his teammates. Or at least he think he does. When his nightmares from Junior High start cropping up again, what is Hinata going to do when he's got his own set of problems to deal with?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first ever fanfic I have ever written so I'm kind of unsure about it... This is intended to be just a fluffy KageHina fanfic. There will most likely be no smut in here (sorry >_

_“Move faster!”_

The opposing team blocks yet another spike.

_“Jump higher!”_

The spiker is barely able to hit the ball over the net.

_“Match my tosses if you want to win!”_

The ball is tossed up once again, released smoothly out of the setter’s fingertips at a speed that was maybe, just a little too fast.

_THUNK_

This time, no one is there to hit the ball.

There is a wall.

A large wall that blocks the view from beyond the net and now, a new wall that separates the setter from the rest of his team.

What use is a valuable team member when he is no longer a part of his team?

No one is there beside him.

No one to keep the ball from hitting the ground.

No one there to give him a reason to remain on court.

NO ONE.

***

Kageyama woke up with a large headache and a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. He pulled himself into a sitting position and sighed. It felt like he was on the verge of vomiting out last night’s curry. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t had that nightmare before, in fact he had it many times after he lost his last tournament and was traumatized by the experience.

But this time it was different. Or should’ve been at least.

He had been playing volleyball at his new school Karasuno for a while now and was already well underway with preparing for the tournament that was coming up soon. He had made new teammates and maybe he’d even go as far as to call them friends. The nightmares had stopped long ago.

So why? Why were they beginning to crop up again?

Kageyama thought that he had already put his complete faith in his team, so why was he still feeling so anxious? Maybe some part of him still couldn’t just trust so easily?

Kageyama buried his head in his arms.He felt like crap.

His arms felt disgusting.

His legs felt disgusting.

His eyes, ears, mouth… Everything was DISGUSTING.

“How despicable…” he mumbled as he covered his head with his arms in an attempt to shield himself from the morning light that was beginning to seep in through the closed curtains.

***

His eyes barely open, Kageyama slowly trudged on his way to school. Everything was relatively normal, the usual route, and the usual bustle of students each chattering and walking to their respective schools. But Kageyama was lacking his usual energy, with shoulders slumped, messy bed hair and hands stuffed casually inside the pockets of his wrinkled trousers. Anyone could tell from afar that it wasn’t a particularly good day for him.

As Kageyama approached the gym in which his daily volleyball training would be held, he heard a faint sound from behind him. He brushed it off as something minor.

But soon enough, the sound got louder and Kageyama realised that the sound was the noise created by footsteps. Fast and frantic ones.

Kageyama whipped his head around and sure enough, the usual orange haired boy was there sprinting toward him at an alarming speed. Kageyama’s weariness disappeared in an instant and he took off in a sprint, racing against the boy who was close behind him with the volleyball gym as the goal. But despite being fully awake, his body still didn’t work the way he wanted it to and so he was quickly overtaken.

When at last Kageyama reached the gym entrance, he collapsed beside the smaller boy beside him and felt even more out of breath than usual. The shorter one immediately jumped up however, as soon as Kageyama’s back hit the ground.

“I won with a pretty big lead this time.”

Kageyama sat up to face Hinata who was looking at him kind of weirdly.

“Shut up you dumbass!” Kageyama retorted. “Don’t get cocky just because you won this one time!”Kageyama pulled himself up and patted the dust off himself.

“No! That’s not what I meant!” Hinata yelled. “I meant like you look pretty bad today…”

“Hah!?!”

Realising how what he had just said could be easily misunderstood, Hinata panicked and attempted to explain himself.

“Wait! No! I didn’t me—“

“Yo!”

The orange haired boy was abruptly cut off by his bald senpai which in turn, ended the conversation.

***

Morning practice was as per usual, the same drills and exercises were carried out over and over again, with maybe one or two games chucked in between. It may have sounded like a total pain in the ass to some people, but to Kageyama, it was what he lived for.

Volleyball day and night, the cycle repeated countless times. It gave him a sense of peace and belonging among his teammates, not to mention that he loved the sport and had been playing it for as long as he could remember.

But what made him the most excited was of course, when he tossed one of those god-like tosses to the little ball of energy and watching him spike the ball hard into the opposite side of the court.

“Nice kill!” Kageyama yelled.

Volleyball was about one of the few things Kageyama believed in which he and Hinata could get along quite well in. And although Hinata still sucked in all other areas of volleyball besides spiking, Kageyama didn’t mind. Although he would always throw a nasty comment or insult here and there, but ultimately they were all for Hinata’s own good.

“Yosha!” Hinata exclaimed in return to Kageyama’s previous compliment.

The fiery head turned toward the coal black one and beamed. After all, it wasn’t just Kageyama who loved partaking in that godly toss and spike. Kageyama felt the corners of his mouth curl up a little.

But the smile from his little teammate was quickly replaced with a much darker expression. Hinata stared at his palm which was slightly red from the impact between his hand and the ball when he spiked it. He tilted his head to the side and had a puzzled look on his face.

Kageyama however, had already turned around and begun talking to Sugawara about volleyball strategies and so, did not see the uneasiness that the smaller boy was feeling.

The rest of morning training continued without any more hitches and ended with a simple “osu!” from all the team members before departing to their respective classes.

Kageyama felt so tired.

With the presence of volleyball gone, he felt as though all his energy had been sapped away. He slowly made his way toward his classroom and decided he would just sleep through class. He didn’t need anything aside from volleyball anyway. His thoughts drifted back to the nightmare that he had last night.

But before Kageyama could even gather his thoughts, Hinata ambushed him from behind.

“OI!” Hinata shouted while he jumped onto Kageyama’s back. “What’s wrong with you today?”

Completely weirded out by Hinata’s actions, Kageyama immediately whirled around, sending Hinata flying off his back. Of course the little orange haired boy found it an easy feat to land upright and continued his confront with Kageyama.

“You were so out of it today!” Hinata accused. “The others didn’t seem to notice but it was obvious that you’re already pissed off face looked even more pissed off today!” Right after throwing the insult, Hinata bounced a few meters back, bracing for impact.

Kageyama was indeed irked by what the orange haired idiot had just said, but he just couldn’t be bothered doing anything about it.

“Nothing’s wrong dumbass…” he mumbled before resuming his walk to the classroom.

Hinata blinked. Kageyama mumbling? And to an insult? Well this was certainly something unusual…

“What?” Hinata mused, “Are you finally starting to respect me, who is (technically) your senpai?”

Still no response.

“Wahahaha! Scared of me n---!”

“SHUT UP!” Kageyama snarled.

Hinata winced, preparing for some sort of physical attack to befall him. But there was none. Hinata looked up only to see Kageyama’s back disappearing into the distance.


	2. Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's nightmares are only getting worse. What is Hinata going to do about it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAAAAY!!! I actually managed to write a second chapter!!! Thanks to all those who commented and left kudos on the previous chapter XD. As a former reader of fanfiction, I never really got why writers got so excited over comments and reviews. But now that I'm a writer, I realise that comments and things really mean a hell of a lot. So thanks a lot guys! Enjjoy Chapter 2~~~

_“There’s no way we can hit a toss that fast!”_

He grits his teeth.

_“Sorry, but we can’t take your egotistical tosses anymore!”_

He clenches his fists.

_“Wow, I heard that his nickname was the KING of the COURT.”_

Shut up…

_“Really? But isn’t that pretty cool?”_

Shut up. Go away…

_“No, he was given that nickname because he acts like a dictator on court.”_

I SAID LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

_“Kageyama, sorry but you’re off the court.”_

_***_

CLATTER

Kageyama stood up abruptly, interrupting the history class that he was supposed to be listening to. Everyone was staring at him and whispering to each other. He felt sweat gather in his palms.

“Kageyama? What’s wrong?” The teacher asked.

Kageyama had thought that his fatigue would wear off if he slept through class. Unfortunately, sleep only brought that same nightmare back to him and made him feel worse. Still in thought, Kageyama didn’t answer the teacher’s question.

“Kageyama?” The teacher asked again.

This time Kageyama snapped out of it but that didn’t get rid of his horrible feeling.

“C-can I please go to the infirmary? I’m not feeling very well…”

The teacher seemed to ponder over the request for a moment before replying.

“Well, you do seem rather sick. Ok, you can head down to see the nurse.”

Kageyama bowed ever so slightly before he dragged himself out of the classroom and down to the infirmary.

“Excuse me…” he muttered under his breath as he walked in. Kageyama noticed that the school doctor wasn’t around so he helped himself to one of the few infirmary beds available. The bed wasn’t particularly comfortable, but it was at least better than trying to sleep on his chair and desk. He hated it when he woke up with a stiff neck.

Kageyama slipped his indoor shoes off and carefully lined them up beside the bed before he flopped down on it, creating a loud creak that no one heard. Luckily enough, the infirmary was empty so Kageyama didn’t have to worry about the loud chattering that always seemed to get worse every time he walked into a room.

Kageyama threw the blankets over himself and closed his eyes.

***

Hinata was itching in his seat, restlessly waiting for lunch to arrive. He had been staring at the clock for the past hour already but despite his efforts, time wasn’t moving any faster for him. In fact, it seemed to be moving slower if anything.

At last the familiar chime of the school bell sounded through the building in which Hinata zipped out of his seat and out the classroom before the teacher was even able to dismiss the class.

“Yo! Kageyama! Let’s practice, practice!” Hinata whined and at the same time, he flung open Kageyama’s classroom door. Hinata loved practicing volleyball with Kageyama, but that wasn’t the reason why he was even more fired up today.

Hinata was definitely going to get Kageyama to talk about why he was acting so weirdly earlier in the morning. Because it bothered him. A lot. And Hinata hated it when he had something bothering him aside from volleyball.

The loud discussions in the classroom immediately died down and everyone stared at Hinata. He scanned the room before realising that Kageyama wasn’t there.

“Hey where’s Kageyama?” He asked. The question wasn’t directed at anyone in particular, Hinata was more asking the whole classroom.

“He’s in the infirmary,” one of the guys answered.

“Infirmary?”

“Yeah. Actually it’s pretty rare to see him feeling sick,” a girl said. “I mean we know he sleeps in class but has he actually ever been sick?”

Worried, Hinata spoke a quick “Thanks!” and bowed quickly before once again rushing out the classroom.

***

Kageyama was clearly not having a good nap. He was thrashing around and the school doctor who had only just come back from her lunch break, was starting to get anxious. No matter how hard she tried to get close to him, he would unconsciously slap her hand away.

“OOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII KAGEYAMA!” Hinata yelled as he threw open the infirmary door. “Volleyball! VO-LL-EY-BA-LL!”

The school doctor, flustered, tried to get Hinata to shut up, but to no avail. Hinata ignored her completely and walked right up to Kageyama.

“Hurry up and wake up! Stop acting all sick you dumbass!”

Kageyama’s eyes flicked open as soon as the statement left the smaller one’s lips. He grabbed Hinata’s collar and yanked him down toward the bed. The school doctor gasped as skin met skin.

“OUCH!” Hinata cried. “What was that for!?!” On his forehead, a bruise was beginning to form.

“You’re too loud you idiot…” Kageyama muttered, straightening himself. He massaged the area on his head in which he had just used to head-butt Hinata with.

Yawning his drowsiness off, Kageyama immediately went to verbally abuse Hinata. But rather than being scared, Hinata was just glad that Kageyama seemed to back to normal. Because of this, he couldn’t help but have a stupid grin on his face which only increased the verbal abuse he received.

The school doctor sighed in relief.

“You two are awfully close aren’t you?” she said.

“No we’re not!” they both said in unison.

The school doctor laughed before she sarcastically said “Of course.”

The two boys left the infirmary with Kageyama still yelling at Hinata and Hinata still grinning like an idiot.

***

The rest of the day went by quickly and now it was afterschool already. Hinata and Kageyama had their daily afterschool volleyball training and were now heading home.

“So what were you dreaming about?” Hinata finally felt as though it was safe to bring up the topic again, seeing as Kageyama was fine now.

“…Nothing.”

“What was with that pause right now?”

“I said it was nothing!”

Hinata flinched. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to talk about it. He thought it might’ve been fine but he couldn’t’ve been more wrong. But why was it bothering Kageyama so much? Hinata thought. Was it really that big of a thing that he wasn’t even able to talk about it? Kageyama usually gave some sort of hint to what was wrong, but this time he refused to say anything. Unless maybe… It was something that wasn’t related to volleyball?

“Hey what’s bothering you so much?” Hinata asked again. “I can help you with other problems too besides volleyball! Like maybe uh…”

Hinata tried to think of some other issue that Kageyama could possibly have besides volleyball, as bizarre as that may have seemed.

“Like I could help you with your love life I suppose?”

Kageyama shot a menacing glare.

“W-what! Y-you wanna fight?” Hinata switched to a (very poorly practiced) fighting position.

“It’s none of your business.” Kageyama grumbled before turning away.

He couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He really didn’t know why. He had never felt like this before with anybody else, but that statement that Kageyama just said to Hinata, really made Hinata’s face heat up.

The orange haired boy stopped in his tracks. Kageyama walked a little further before stopping and turning around to face him.

“What are you doing you dumbass!”

Hinata gripped his jacket.

“Hurry up!” Kageyama yelled.

And then Hinata lost it.

“SHUT UP!” He screamed.

Kageyama was shocked by Hinata’s sudden outburst. He had never heard Hinata yell like this before, nor did he think he had the ability to. But Hinata didn’t stop there.

“What’s your problem? I’m only trying to help you and yet you just completely ignore me!”

“Wai—what?” Kageyama said in confusion.

“I only want to make it so that you don’t have to worry about anything! Why can’t you at least let me listen to you complain?”

“Huh!?”

“What do you mean it isn’t MY business? You’re MY setter! Of course YOUR problems are MY business!”

Hinata panted, out of breath from shouting so much.

“Oi Hina---“ Kageyama reached out to grab Hinata’s arm.

“Screw you!” Hinata yelled, running off before Kageyama’s outstretched arm could reach him.

Kageyama was left alone in the dark. The only streetlamp beside him began to flicker. Kageyama slowly lowered his arm. He slumped onto the lamp pole.

“So you’re going to leave me too…?” he whispered to no one as the light above him was snuffed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I loved writing the infirmary scene. The doctor knows whats up XD  
> Please leave a comment! You have no idea how much they mean to me!!!  
> Thanks guys and look forward to the next chapter ^_^


	3. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fight definitely wasn't the typical one. Now what is Hinata going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I'm so not sure about this chapter... it's slightly (just slightly) longer than the other chapters so I feel like I may have rambled a bit too much...  
> Anyway enjoy! (if you can... DDD:)

His chest hurt.

His chest hurt a lot.

He didn’t think that this kind of feeling even existed.

His whole body felt as though it was on fire.

He couldn’t calm down at all.

He had shouted enough for a lifetime.

It was so uncomfortable and Hinata hated it.

* * *

 

Hinata flew into his house through the front door, popped off his shoes and clambered up the stairs without even bothering to say “I’m home”. He flung open his bedroom door and slammed it shut, clicking the lock to prevent any nosy parent or sister from barging in. He jumped onto his bed and landed face-first into the soft duvet.

Hinata recalled the incident that had occurred just before he had run off.

He had yelled at Kageyama. And it wasn’t the same as the typical fight or argument. That was the loudest Hinata had ever shouted or, at least that was certainly what it felt like. He had suddenly gotten all riled up and he didn’t know why.

And that was the problem. He didn’t know WHY.

Why was it that Kageyama had acted like that? Why was it that Hinata had acted like this?

Why? _WHY?_

All he remembered was a tight feeling in his chest that made him feel like he was suffocating. It was as though something had jammed in his throat, as though someone had just lit a fire in him. And it was fire fuelled with rage and not passion. No matter how hard he had tried to calm himself down, it hadn’t worked. And as soon as Kageyama had said that line, he just couldn’t control himself anymore.

That one line.

That single, seemingly meaningless line, had set him right off.

It was a line that seemed very ‘Kageyama like’ and Hinata should’ve been used to those by now. Yet he still reacted in a way he didn’t even understand himself.

Hinata wriggled under the blankets, hoping that sleep would rid him of this bothersome feeling. But his thoughts refused to let him sleep. They tormented him continuously, that scene replaying endlessly through his mind, that one line stuck on replay.

_“It’s none of your business.”_

Kageyama had avoided eye contact. Turning away to face something, anything, as long as it wasn’t Hinata.

_“It’s none of your business.”_

Kageyama had cut off the conversation abruptly and had tried to avoid the subject entirely.

_“It’s none of your business.”_

Hinata curled up into a ball beneath his duvet and tried to cover his ears with his small hands.

“Stop… stop please…” he murmured painfully until his own weariness drove him into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

 

The next day, Kageyama felt completely and utterly empty. He felt hollow. Like whatever made up his measly existence in the world had suddenly disappeared. Vanished without a trace. It took almost all his energy just to force himself to get out of bed, so how was he even going to last the entire school day?

But regardless of this fact, he told himself he still had to go, still had to return to volleyball. So he went through his daily morning preparation for school, a little more sluggishly than usual. He marked off his own lack of strength simply as a result of overtraining.

Kageyama managed to rush (not so quickly) to school early enough so that he wasn’t all too late for morning volleyball practice. Although he was only just a little bit late, because he always arrived early, being late was something short of a miracle to his fellow volleyball players.

He was met with a few questioning comments from Sugawara and Daichi like “I didn’t know you would ever be late for volleyball practice!” or “are you ok?” Tanaka had even changed from his normal ‘delinquent-like’ manner into a more concerned ‘you’re acting fucking retarded’ sort of personality. Well arguably he was still acting like a delinquent. Nishinoya had laughed about how he shouldn’t sweat about things that were related to volleyball because he had his back while Asahi, being the usual worrywart he was, started fretting about whether or not Kageyama was really fine. Tsukishima still didn’t care very much for him and ignored the commotion. Yamaguchi tried to follow Tsukishima’s example but it was clear to see that he was also worrying.

Mainly because of the overwhelming barrage of questions from his senpais but also because he hadn’t anticipated this at all, Kageyama didn’t quite know how to react. So he only mumbled a quick “osu” before shuffling onto the court to complete his own training.

The concerns of his team members gave Kageyama a bit of his strength back and he felt a bit fuzzy and warm inside. But it all fell to bits when he realised that the he couldn’t feel the presence of the bubbly, orange haired shorty anywhere in the gym.

For the first time ever, Hinata hadn’t shown up to volleyball practice.

* * *

 

Hinata was already in his classroom, waiting for class to start. He twiddled and spun the mechanical pencil in his hand and sighed with boredom. He realised that not playing volleyball made him extremely restless.

Hinata felt a bit like he had betrayed Karasuno by skipping out on volleyball training that morning. Sure he had already called in early saying that he felt too sick to play volleyball, but that didn’t stop his guilt from rising up from the pit of his stomach. It didn’t help when his team mates gathered round bombarding him with questions of worry, slightly more intense than the ones Kageyama would be getting later.

At least he hadn’t seen Kageyama there. That was a huge relief.

Then he froze.

The sudden rigid freezing action made his pencil fly out of his hand and hit the poor student who was sitting beside Hinata.

Why was he relieved by the fact that he hadn’t seen Kageyama?

Sure Kageyama scared the hell out of him, even more so when he got really angry. Like that one time where he had served into the back of Kageyama’s head. Hinata shivered at the memories.

But despite Kageyama being a living horror in Hinata’s life, he was also his mentor and guide. Although he was harsh and acted like an asshole a lot (almost all) of the time, it didn’t change the fact that Hinata usually looked forward to being able to play volleyball by his side.

So what was this relieved feeling he had from being far away from the team mate he so enjoyed being with? This feeling that made his shoulders relax and his back slump?

Hinata didn’t get it. He was so confused.

He was supposed to look forward to playing volleyball all the time, so much that he would show up to trainings even if it killed him. Yet Kageyama, just the _thought_ that he would be there too, caused his enthusiasm to wither immediately.

It must’ve been what happened last night, Hinata thought to himself. It must be because he yelled like that.

Hinata felt his guilt beginning to rise again. Maybe he shouldn’t’ve done that to Kageyama. Maybe he was in the wrong. Maybe he should go and apologize.

But although his conscience was telling him all these things, its voice seemed to drowned out by another part of him that screamed “Don’t do it!” and “He deserved it!” or “Why should you say sorry when he was the one in the wrong?”

Hinata’s inner conflict made his brows furrow and he clenched his fists. But soon enough, the larger part of his mind won the fight against his conscience and he settled back comfortably into his seat.

* * *

 

Afterschool volleyball practice soon came and the whole Karasuno team were busying themselves with their training. To an outsider, they appeared to be their normal determined selves. But to anyone within the team, there was a definite rigid and tense atmosphere in the gym.

Hinata still hadn’t shown up to practice.

Kageyama clicked his teeth in annoyance and threw the ball high up into the air, preparing himself for a jump serve. His palm slammed hard into the ball, sending the ball sailing past the net, past the edge of the court and almost hit Coach Ukai right in the face.

“Oi!” Ukai-sensei growled. “What’s wrong today!?”

Kageyama clicked his teeth again. He had been feeling on edge ever since morning practice when Hinata hadn’t shown up. And now he hadn’t shown up for afterschool practice either. Kageyama didn’t even see him around school.

The rest of Karasuno were also a little awkward playing without a loud voice yelling around in the gym. Everything just felt too quiet with only the sound of the slapping of volleyballs and the squeaking of indoor shoes to be heard.

But no one took it as hard as Kageyama.

He hadn’t been able to make even just one successful jump serve that day. His tosses were almost always off, resulting in a large number of combination misses.

It was as though he had reverted back into his junior high self, minus the arrogant attitude. His tosses had become clumsy and inconsistent, sometimes much too fast or slow, sometimes too high or too low. He had even tossed the ball into Tsukishima’s face by accident, resulting in Tsukishima being showered in a torrent of apologies from Kageyama.

And Kageyama never apologized to Tsukishima. Never.

Eventually, the captain told him to retire early and go home and get a good night’s sleep. Kageyama didn’t argue and did as he was told. The rest of the team watched him bow and walk out of the gym, their faces plastered with anxiety.

Kageyama opened the door to the clubroom and sat down on the floor beside his school bag. He flung his towel over his face, hiding everything on his face except for his mouth. He grinned painfully, his slow breath echoing off the cold walls.

“Hinata,” he whispered in a coarse voice, his sweat running down his cheek and off his chin.

“Where are you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys it would really really help if you could leave a comment  
> Kudos are nice too but sometimes you just worry about what people really think about your story  
> It would be really nice to hear from my followers TTvTT  
> Thanks and see you next chapter!


	4. Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata's been missing from volleyball training for a week now and the entire team is worrying. What's going to happen when Kageyama hears something he wished he didn't?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had such a horrible time writing this and OMG I didn't even expect that it would end up turniing out like this  
> But for what chapter 4 is worth enjoy~~~

Monday: Hinata wasn’t there.

Tuesday: Hinata had appeared for a short moment before Kageyama arrived and had left almost immediately.

Wednesday: Hinata had called Nishinoya that he wouldn’t be able to come.

Thursday: Everyone in the team aside from Kageyama who didn’t own a cell phone, received a text from Hinata once again mentioning that he wouldn’t be at training.

Friday…

* * *

 

A week had passed with Hinata missing from every single volleyball practice. Everyone was beginning to get anxious and no one could concentrate. It wasn’t as though he had completely disappeared or anything, in fact most of the team saw him around the school. Some said that he looked quite happy and seemed absolutely fine but for the most part, he appeared to be very distressed as though something had been bothering him constantly.

On Thursday, when Tanaka saw Hinata eating lunch by himself on a bench in a secluded area behind the school, he noticed straight away that things weren’t right. And Tanaka himself already knew that he wasn’t the kind of person that picked up on these kinds of things easily.

Tanaka described Hinata looking as though he hadn’t eaten or slept in days. He had huge bags under his eyes which were also red and swollen plus it looked like he had lost some weight. According to Tanaka, Hinata had appeared even smaller than before, if that was even possible.

The whole team surrounded the bald-headed second year, trying to get as close as possible so as not to miss any possibly important details. Even Tsukishima had joined the circle, displaying his slight concern for the ‘annoying shrimp’. Only Kageyama sat far away, almost on the other end of the gym. But even though he was so distant from Tanaka, he could still clearly hear what he was saying as his bald headed senpai’s voice was naturally loud, not to mention everyone else was completely silent.

Tanaka continued talking.

“I tried calling out to him,” Tanaka said. “But no matter how much I yelled, Hinata hadn’t reacted at all.” Tanaka clenched his fist. “So I thought maybe he couldn’t hear me so I ran up to him.” Tanaka’s voice grew louder. “Maybe it was because he was looking down. Maybe it was because I was too far away. But I don’t know how I hadn’t noticed.” Tanaka was close to shouting now. “When I got closer I realised that he was crying. HE WAS FUCKING CRYING!” Tanaka started trembling and his voice started choking up. He was beginning to lose control over the words that were spilling out of his mouth. “And the worst thing was, as soon as he saw me, he looked as though seeing me scared him shitless and he ran off!”

Tanaka banged his fist on the wall, the sound echoing of the walls of the gym.

After hearing what Tanaka had to say, no one made any comments of amazement, concern or anything. Tsukishima hadn’t even made a snarky comment. Everyone had gone into a state of silent shock, this was Hinata they were talking about after all.

Hinata crying? That ball of energy with his smile that could probably blind you was…crying? It made no sense. The only time Kageyama had ever seen Hinata cry was when he had thrashed the smaller boy’s team in his first ever tournament. But that was a special situation. That was that and this was this. Hinata crying was about as rare as the sun freezing over.

And that was pretty rare.

* * *

 

This time it was Kageyama who was confused. Hinata, the one who loved volleyball as much as him, maybe even more, hadn’t shown up to volleyball training. And for an entire week even. Then there was the fact that he had been crying.

Judging from what Tanaka had said, it seemed as though Hinata had cried quite a lot over the past week. The image of tears streaming down the face of the typically bright-faced boy made the whole world feel duller.

Kageyama’s felt immense frustration. More accurately, Kageyama was panicking. What was the idiot doing? Why wasn’t he coming to the trainings? Why was he crying? Why hadn’t he come to him for help?

Was it because of the fight that they had? Was it because Hinata had gotten angry all at once? Was it his fault that Hinata was like this?

“Captain!” Kageyama yelled across the gym, breaking the eerie silence.

Startled, Daichi replied with a simple “W-what is it?”

“May I please be excused from the rest of todays practice?”

For the second time that day, everyone was struck by shock. Although Kageyama was indeed completing his training the least efficiently out of the entire rest of the team, they still didn’t think it would be so bad that he would want to stop training.

“N-not you too Kageyama!” Tanaka shouted in disbelief.

Picking up on the situation, Kageyama immediately reassured his senpais that he would definitely be coming back on Monday. He promised that he wouldn’t end up like Hinata. After a lengthy speech from Kageyama persuading his teammates that he wouldn’t ditch practice, Kageyama finally left the gym.

* * *

 

“Hmm…” Kageyama murmured as he roamed around the bike racks.

He spotted it almost immediately: Hinata’s bike. It had his name etched in a scratchy mess on the old but sturdy framework and there were little doodles all over it too, probably from when he was younger Kageyama presumed.

That meant that at the very least, Hinata was still at school.

Kageyama took off in a sprint hoping that he would catch Hinata before he left.

He ran for Hinata’s classroom, 1-C, knocking a few students over and grumbling a few apologies on the way. As he approached the room he yelled “Hinata! Get your ass out here!”

Because it was afterschool and most people were either currently partaking in their club activities or had already gone home, there weren’t many people in the hallway.

But the few students that were walking around, stared at Kageyama as though he had gone completely and utterly insane while the person in question paid no heed and continued on his way.

Kageyama slid the door open so violently, he swore he felt it come off its wheels a bit. The classroom was empty aside from a few of Hinata’s classmates that Kageyama knew he hung out with.

Kageyama stared blankly into the room. If Hinata wasn’t in his classroom then where else could he be?

“Hey you guys!” He tried to say in his most polite voice. Unfortunately it sounded more like he was ready to blow a fuse at any second and so the other students were too scared to reply.

“Do you know where Hinata is?” Kageyama asked, trying to calm himself down.

“U-um…” one of the boys stammered. “He just l-left the classroom b-but we don’t know where he w-went.”

Kageyama slammed his fist against the wall, causing the poor boys to yelp in fright.

“Dammit!” he grumbled before exiting the classroom, shutting the door behind him.

Kageyama leaned against the wall right outside and sighed. Where could Hinata be? Where did Hinata like to go? For once in his entire life, he wished he knew more about another person.

Inside the classroom, Hinata’s classmates began talking again.

“God, that scared me!” Classmate A said.

“I know right! What’s his problem?” Classmate B said.

Well sorry for being scary Kageyama thought to himself. He wasn’t eavesdropping, he just happened to be outside and they happened to be talking loudly. That was all it was he reassured himself.

“Hey Hinata! All clear! You can come out from the broom cupboard now!” Classmate C said.

Kageyama flinched.

“It’s amazing that you can even fit in there,” Classmate B laughed. The other classmates started laughing.

“Shut up!” An all too familiar shouted from inside the classroom.

It was Hinata’s voice, loud and clear.

“Wow… I can totally get why you would want to stay away from Kageyama,” classmate D said. “He scares the shit out of people I swear.” Another chorus of laughter seeps through the thin walls.

Hinata was trying to stay away from him? Kageyama thought. He was being avoided?

“But is it ok to keep skipping volleyball practice like this?” Classmate A asked in a more serious tone.

“Eh?” Hinata answered.

“Yeah, isn’t there a tournament coming up soon?” Classmate D added.

“Ehehehe…” Hinata laughed nervously. “Well I really just can’t see Kageyama right now I suppose.”

What was Hinata going on about? Did he really hate playing with him that much? Was his presence that discomforting?

“I suppose…” Hinata continued. “That I just can’t play volleyball with Kageyama anymore.”

And that dealt the final blow.

Kageyama clenched his teeth and he ran off again with nobody even realising that he was there.

* * *

 

Monday came round again and as usual, the volleyball team was having their morning training in the gym.

Almost everyone had arrived already but once again, not many people could concentrate because Hinata STILL hadn’t shown up.

Suddenly the door to the gym clattered open.

“Yo!”

There, standing bright faced with his usual energy back,

Was Hinata.

Everyone crowded around him, showering him with questions about his health and comments about the fact that they were glad to have him back.

Hinata still had small eye bags, but the swelling and redness had gone down and he seemed to be looking healthier.

The entire team was glad to see him back (even Tsukishima was a little happy), all except Kageyama.

Due to the sudden occurrence of their bubbly kouhai’s return, everyone seemed to have forgotten that that day,

Kageyama had called in sick.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Tanaka TTvTT  
> He always struck me as the 'delinquent senpai' but actually cares a lot for his teammates  
> But gosh this chapter hurt me so bad  
> Don't forget to leave a comment XD  
> They're very motivational!  
> See you guys next chapter~~~


	5. Unnecessary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's sick, Hinata is confused. In the end who does HInata turn to for help?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy chapter 5~~~

“Yo!”

Hinata stood in the doorway to the gym, grinning with a smile as bright as the sun.

Everyone stood still for about two seconds before they all bombarded Hinata with hugs and laughter. The gym was quickly filled with excitement. Even Coach Ukai, Takeda-sensei and Kiyoko were smiling quietly in the corner.

“Oh! You’re back Shouyou!” Nishinoya slapped Hinata on the back. “We were all worried ya know!” “I’m glad to see you’re ok Hinata!” Sugawara smiled.   
“You’re not hurt right? No sicknesses? Injuries?” Asahi said frantically, being the worrywart he was.

“Haha!” Hinata laughed. “I’m fine I’m fine!” Hinata flashed another enormous smile.

“Don’t disappear without saying anything shrimp,” Tsukishima mumbled, before quickly walking off. The rest of the team stared at him in disbelief.

“I guess even you’re nice at times aren’t you Tsukishima?” Daichi mused. The whole gym erupted into laughter. Tsukishima blushed slightly and quickened his pace.

“We’re so glad to have you back!” Tanaka cried, tears of joy streaming down his face. “Everyone was so worried ya know! I’m so happy that you’re ok!” Tanaka couldn’t say anything more, he was crying too hard and his voice stopped working.

“I’m sorry…” Hinata murmured.

He jumped back a few meters from the crowd then turned to face everyone.

“I am very sorry for my behaviour over the past week!” Hinata bowed deeply.

“It’s ok,” Tanaka sniffled, wiping away his tears. “But!” he yelled, beginning to regain his original vigour, “you better make it up by training lots before the tournament! Especially with Ka—“

And then he realised.

“Tanaka?” Sugawara asked.

“Hey everyone…” Tanaka said in serious tone.

The team turned to face him.

“Where’s Kageyama?”

* * *

 

“What the fuck are you saying!?”

“Wait Tanaka! Calm down!” Sugawara called after him.

“This is bullshit! Hinata didn’t show up for an entire week and now Kageyama isn’t here? How am I supposed to believe that he’s sick!? That’s it! I’m going to find him and get his sorry ass to school!”

Daichi grabbed Tanaka’s arm.

“Don’t Tanaka. He said he was sick so we’ll just have to wait until he gets better,” Daichi muttered in his demanding tone.

“Don’t fuck with me!” Tanaka growled, wrenching his arm out of Daichi’s tight grip. It was the first time anyone had rebelled against the captain when he used that dangerous voice. Tanaka was also one of the people who were usually very afraid of Daichi so everyone was surprised when he didn’t even try to listen to the captain.

“Aren’t any of you guys worried at all!?”

The whole gym fell silent again with a similar atmosphere from before.

“Fine!” Tanaka huffed as he turned around to leave. “I’m leavi—“

“Ryu!” Nishinoya snapped, causing Tanaka to flinch.

“Of course…” Nishinoya’s voice was wobbling.

“Of course we’re worried about him too!”

Still facing away from the team Tanaka yelled “then what are we supposed to do! I don’t suppose you were going to wait another week for him to come back!?”

“We don’t do anything! We CAN’T do anything!” Nishinoya argued back. “What were you planning on doing!? What if Kageyama was actually sick!? Would you drag a sick person to volleyball training!?”

Tanaka froze and looked back towards his volleyball teammates. He felt a pang of guilt when he realised that not a single one of them looked happy. In fact most of them were looking at the ground or gripping their arms. They all looked horrible.

And he had just yelled at them.

Tanaka collapsed to the floor. “But…” he started crying again. “I don’t want Kageyama to end up like Hinata as well…”

Nishinoya clenched his fists. “I know,” he whispered. “We ALL know.”

“He promised though. Noya-san! He promised!” Tanaka cried.

“It’s ok Tanaka,” Sugawara gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sure he’ll be back by tomorrow and giving those amazing tosses to everyone again.”

A tear tumbled down Sugawara’s cheek.

“So… stop crying… ok…?”

* * *

 

After everyone had settled down, the team got back to training as usual. But no one was really in the mood for volleyball, not after what had just happened. In the end, Takeda-sensei had gotten so worried that coach Ukai decided to call it a day and told the team not to bother showing up to afterschool practice either.

As the team filed slowly out of the gym with a dejected feeling hanging in the air, Sugawara had asked Hinata to stay behind for a while so that he could talk to him.

“What is it Sugawara-san?” Hinata asked. Out of everyone, Hinata seemed the least fazed which Sugawara found very disconcerting, considering that he seemed to be the closest to Kageyama.

“I’m sorry that it ended up like this,” Sugawara said. “After you just came back too…”

“Eh?” Hinata said, puzzled.

“Well you wanted to play volleyball with Kageyama right?” Sugawara scratched his head. “But he’s not even here. Sorry…” He laughed awkwardly.

“Ehh?” Hinata mumbled in confusion. “Sorry, but I don’t really understand what you’re saying? I can play just fine with you as the setter.”

Sugawara blushed slightly. “Haha, I’m glad you think that way, but still Kageyama is the one you enjoy playing volleyball the most right?”

“Really?”

“Yeah!” Sugawara smiled. “You always look the happiest around him.” His face darkened again. “But he isn’t even here today…”

“Why are you apologizing Sugawara-san?” Hinata asked. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Haha I suppose…”

“It’s fine!” Hinata yelled, making Sugawara jump.

“This will be a good opportunity for me to practice with other people anyway…”

“Hinata?”

“I can’t keep relying on Kageyama anymore…” Hinata murmured so quietly, Sugawara could barely hear him.

“Huh?”

“Cya Sugawara-san!” Hinata flashed one of his amazing smiles before running off, leaving Sugawara standing alone, bewildered beside the empty gym.

* * *

 

Kageyama lay in bed, not wanting to move.

His arms and legs felt heavy, his head throbbed in pain and his throat felt scratchy.

Kageyama was indeed sick.

He had a cooling pad over his head and a cup of water, untouched, on the bedside table.

His parents always left home very early to work and only came back in the dead of night. Sometimes they would even be gone for a few days, weeks even if there happened to be a business trip of some sort.

Because of this, Kageyama generally got used to living by himself. He didn’t particularly feel neglected though, after all, it had been like this for almost as long as he could remember. Although he wasn’t exactly that bright when he was off the court, over the years he had taught himself to cook, clean the dishes, do the laundry and all the other household chores.

The food money left over from his parents always went towards buying new volleyball gear.

Kageyama lived alone most of the time in a house that was much too large for a single teenage boy, but he was fine with it. His parents were just pursuing their own dreams and he was chasing his own.

There were times when the house felt even lonelier than usual, but he didn’t mind. The darkness of his house, the silent atmosphere hanging throughout the rooms, the cold hard floor that stung his bare feet in winter, they had all grown on him. Now they were just the norm.

Kageyama watched his hot breath form in clouds above his face, before slowly dissipating.

It wasn’t as though Kageyama hadn’t gotten sick before, this was just the first time he’d ever gotten sick in such a long time. But this wasn’t the main reason that made him feel excruciating pain.

Kageyama’s head was still full of Hinata’s words from Friday.

_“I just can’t play volleyball with Kageyama anymore.”_

He hadn’t heard wrong had he? No. He heard it loud and clear. The walls were thin so Hinata’s voice had penetrated through easily.

Then maybe he had mistaken someone else’s voice for Hinata’s? No. That wasn’t possible either. There weren’t many people who played volleyball with him. Besides, Hinata’s voice had always been easy to differentiate from others.

Then what if Hinata had meant something else? Something other than what he had thought? Of course not. Kageyama laughed bitterly at himself. He was just trying to make up excuses for himself now. How pathetic.

How disgusting he had become.

Kageyama whipped the blankets over his head and eventually fell asleep.

* * *

 

Hinata yawned.

“Hinata? Are my lessons really that boring?”

Hinata looked up and jumped when he saw his English teacher looking down at him.

“Gah!” He squeaked.

The whole class erupted into laughter.

“Dammit…” Hinata muttered under his breath.

He couldn’t focus in class at all. It wasn’t like he listened in class very well even on his best days, but today Hinata couldn’t even register a single word that the teacher was saying.

He still couldn’t get Kageyama out of his head. There was already the whole fighting problem from before, but now Kageyama had called in sick.

Was he being avoided? Even though he’d said that he couldn’t play volleyball with Kageyama anymore, it was really only an empty reassurance to himself. He wanted to tell himself that he didn’t need Kageyama, that Kageyama didn’t have to be the one he was receiving tosses from. But alas, it was to no avail.

Hinata still loved playing volleyball with Kageyama and that was that.

Nothing he did could change that.

But having said that, Hinata still did not want to see Kageyama. Hinata constantly played and replayed possible reactions from Kageyama when they met again.

And most of them were pretty bad.

He was terrified of what Kageyama might say when he apologized. Or whether Kageyama would even try to listen to his apology at all.

Hinata raised his hand.

“What is it Hinata?” The teacher asked, looking up from the textbook she had been reading off.

“U-um… Can I please go to the infirmary? I’m not feeling so well…”

The teacher looked mildly surprised. Sure Hinata never listened to her classes, but he had never ditched either. But she figured it would happen eventually. Hinata did look slightly pale though.

“Ok. You can head down the hallway to see the school nurse.” The teacher replied.

“Thank you…” Hinata murmured before dragging himself down to the infirmary.

“Oh it’s you again.”

Hinata bowed and greeted the school doctor.

He collapsed onto the same bed Kageyama had been lying on a few weeks back.

Hinata recalled the slight red tint in Kageyama’s cheeks as he had pulled Hinata toward him.  He recalled the sensation of his own face heating up. He recalled the pain in his forehead when Kageyama had head-butted him, cutting off the awkward atmosphere.

And then the words that the school doctor had said.

_“You two are awfully close aren’t you?”_

Hinata had felt his heart skip a beat at that sentence. He didn’t know what Kageyama’s expression had been like because he had been too embarrassed to look at him.

This was bad.

Really really bad.

Hinata grabbed his cellphone from inside his trouser pocket and dialled a number.

There was only one person he felt that he couldn’t talk comfortably to without feeling humiliated or shamed.

After a few rings, the person at the other end of the line picked up.

“Hello?”

Hinata lowered his voice as much as possible, so as not to alert the school doctor.

“Hey Kenma.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOOOOO What have I done!?!


	6. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is Kageyama going to do when his worst fear comes true?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this chapter took a little longer than usual to get out.  
> I'll probably be slowing down the pad of my writing because I keep pushing back my homework to write this fanfic... (words or a procrastinator)   
> Sorry guys...  
> Anyway for what its worth, enjoy chapter 6~~~

Everything is dark.

So dark he can’t see anything at all. Not even the ground, nor the walls. Not even his hands when they were held right up in front of him.

He could however, tell that he was in a tunnel. The suffocating tightness of the walls at either side of his body, the cold concrete hard at his back.

Every time he took a step forward, the wall at his back moved closer, stopping him from being able to turn around.

So he kept running, on and on, trying to escape.

Then at last, he saw a small speck of light in front, indicating the end of the tunnel.

But no matter how hard he ran, the light moved forward the same distance he did, the gap between the two not closing at all.

_Why won’t you let me get closer?_

The light continued to run.

_Why won’t you help me?_

The light stopped and so did he.

_The light and the dark don’t belong together, that is all._

And then the light, his only hope, was swallowed up by the shadows of the tunnel.

* * *

 

Kageyama gasped.

His head hurt like hell, his shirt was soaked in sweat and the glass of water had been knocked off the table. That must’ve been what woke him up Kageyama thought.

He looked out the window and realised that it was dark already. He had slept through basically the entire day and he still felt slightly drowsy.

His stomach growled in protest and then he noticed that he hadn’t actually eaten anything the entire day.

Kageyama shifted his weight and slowly slid out from the comfort of his blankets. He headed for the kitchen, the lack of heat on the floor chilling his feet even more than usual.

He flipped through the pantry and the fridge which both, unfortunately for him, were rather empty. All that was available was a couple of cup noodles in the pantry and some bread and milk in the fridge.

Kageyama opened his mouth and yawned loudly. God he felt so tired and he was not in the mood for cup noodles. He decided he would just go back to sleep instead.

As he walked past the living room to reach his own bedroom, he saw a familiar brown envelope sitting on the coffee table.

Oh, it was food money day today.

* * *

 

The cool night air blew through Kageyama’s dishevelled hair and snaked through the gaps between his clothes. Kageyama shivered, wishing that he had worn more layers of clothing before setting out. He hadn’t even bothered to change out of the shirt and shorts he wore when he was sleeping. He had just pulled on a random jacket and a pair of sneakers and left for the nearest fast food restaurant.

Kageyama sneezed, causing a few people walking on the street to stare oddly at him. Crap he thought. I still have a cold.

At last he reached his destination in which on entering, he basked in the warm stuffy atmosphere of the bustling building. He ordered a heap of food, which earned him quite a few questioning looks and almost emptied out the entire envelope of money.

After picking up his rather large assortment of burgers, fries and other side dishes, Kageyama wandered around the restaurant looking for an empty place to sit. While he busied himself with that, he didn’t notice a group of familiar black jacketed high schoolers had entered the building.

“Hey! Is that you Kageyama!?”

Kageyama froze, just as he was about to seat himself down in a cosy corner near the back of the restaurant. He turned around to see a certain short senpai pointing in his direction, along with three of his other volleyball teammates.

Oh no. Kageyama thought. He had just run into some of the people he had wanted to see the least right now.

“O-osu…” Kageyama mumbled weakly.

“Move over will ya?” Nishinoya said before plopping himself down beside Kageyama. Daichi, Sugawara and Asahi sat down opposite them.

An awkward silence formed over the group.

Finally, Sugawara managed to work up his courage and decided to break the tension.

“Um… So Kageyama…” Sugawara spoke uneasily. “How’s your uh… cold?”

“It’s better now thanks.” Kageyama answered quickly before returning to his food.

Silence again.

Kageyama ate as fast as he could, trying to finish as early as possible so as to make an excuse to leave. But before he was even halfway, Nishinoya opened his mouth to speak.

“You weren’t at practice today.” Nishinoya mentioned, not bothering to look at Kageyama.

Kageyama felt his stomach lurch a little at the statement.

“T-that’s because I was s-sick,” Kageyama mumbled, clearly trying to avoid the continuation of the conversation. He looked away, shoving his face even faster than before.

“We were all worried you know,” Nishinoya pressed on.

Worried? Kageyama thought. Why would they be worried? He was only gone for one day. It wasn’t as though he had disappeared for a long time like…

Hinata…

Had Hinata gone to volleyball training today? Kageyama didn’t know because he hadn’t gone to school. Was he still skipping? Was he still sleep-deprived? Was he still unhealthy?

Was he still CRYING?

“You don’t have to worry about Hinata,” Daichi said, causing Kageyama to snap from his train of thoughts.

“I wasn’t thinking about him!” Kageyama huffed.

All four of his teammates laughed.

“Hinata came to volleyball training today and he seems a lot better,” Sugawara smiled. “He’s alright now so you only need to focus on getting better, ok?”

* * *

 

Kageyama furrowed his eyebrows. He really didn’t want to discuss any topic related to Hinata at the moment. The thoughts that he had finally managed to push to the back of his mind surged up again. Hinata’s voice echoed loudly through his mind.

“Kageyama?” Daichi asked.

The nightmares that he had gotten every single time he slept. They were indeed frightening, but his most recent one was the most terrifying one of all. Kageyama had lost all his hope when his teammates had all left him.

Isolated him.

How could he trust again? How was he to toss with all his confidence if there was always the thought that there would be no spiker to hit it? How was he to believe that there would always be someone beside him, backing him up, giving him a reason to remain on court?

He couldn’t.

No one could blame him for reacting the way he did. As a setter, there was nothing Kageyama feared more than tossing to a spiker that didn’t exist. So when his worst fear came true, Kageyama only did the best he could to repair himself and in the process, built a wall around himself.

That was the best thing to do, Kageyama had reassured himself. He didn’t need anyone to get closer than necessary. Each toss was singular and detached, it would be the only time he and the spiker would be connected. Just for that one short moment. Not anything more. Not anything less.

“Kageyama?” Daichi asked again.

“Ah,” Kageyama sat up startled. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

“Uh… no we were just saying that Hinata is fine…” Daichi said with a puzzled look on his face.

“Oh… I see…”

Yet seeing Hinata had completely overwhelmed him. His amazing reflexes, agility and his surprisingly strong will, yet he was unable to put them to any good use. It felt the same as seeing someone chuck a $1000 bill down the drain. And it frustrated Kageyama.

In the end however, Hinata had ended up on the same side of the net as Kageyama. He had thought there would be no way they would ever be able to get along, but Sugawara’s words had stirred something up from within him.

So for the sake of victory, Kageyama had extended his setter-spiker relationship ever so slightly, but had not expected Hinata’s trust to fill him with so much warmth.

Hinata’s bright light had seeped through the cracks in the wall he had put so much effort into creating. It had broken them down from within exposing himself to the blinding light he had spent so long hiding from.

Hinata had given him his hope back.

So the thought that he might lose his hope for a second time, truly chilled him to the bone. He didn’t think he would be able to recover a second time, especially not when he no longer had a wall to protect himself with.

Kageyama knew he had already begun to crumble, ever since the day Hinata had said _those words._ It only seemed to get worse when judging from what Sugawara had said, Hinata appeared perfectly fine without Kageyama by his side.

He was in trouble.

“K-Kageyama? A-are you ok?” Asahi sputtered.

Brought back to reality by Asahi’s words, he realised that he had completely crushed the drink that was in his hand, causing the contents to spill all over the table.

“Ah! I’m so sorry!” Kageyama apologized, immediately cleaning up the mess he had made.

“I’ll be heading back now,” Kageyama said, standing up abruptly after the spill was dried and cleared off the table.

Kageyama walked quickly towards door, hoping to get out as soon as possible.

“Kageyama!” Nishinoya yelled.

Kageyama stopped in his tracks.

“You will be coming back right?” he said in an almost menacing tone. “Ryu certainly won’t be able to take it if we have another ‘Hinata’ incident occurring.”

“Osu…” Kageyama mumbled before briskly exiting the building.

* * *

 

Hinata lay in bed, tossing a volleyball into the air.

He thought back to his discussion with Kenma.

_“Well, you’re friends right?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“If you apologize you’ll be fine.”_

_“Are you sure…?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Ok…”_

_“Ah, but this might be a special case…”_

_“Huh? What do you mean?”_

_“Sorry, but you’re going to have to figure it out yourself.”_

What had Kenma meant by ‘a special case’?

Hinata squeaked when he missed the volleyball and it landed on his nose, bouncing off to the side.

Dammit… Hinata thought.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys!  
> I ended up focusing this chapter mainly around Kageyama...  
> I'll include more Hinata in the next chapter I promise!  
> Since I'll be posting slower from now on, I want to know whether or not you guys want a small sort of recap at the beginning of each chapter.  
> Please comment your thoughts below!  
> See you next chapter~~~


	7. Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monday afternoon... When Kageyama was out eating  
> What was going on at Hinata's side?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify this is what happened in Hinata's POV during the same time Kageyama was eating and yeah  
> This chapter is probably the longest one yet but that doesnt mean its all that much longer haha...  
> Or better... *nervous laughter*  
> For what its worth enjoy chapter 7~~~

Monday Afternoon…

Hinata’s POV

* * *

 

Hinata slowly dialled a number into his cellphone and hit ‘call’.

He brought the phone to his ears with trembling hands and wondered about how he was going to word his concerns in the least awkward way.

After about three rings, Hinata’s embarrassment got the better of him and he went to click the ‘end call’ button. But before his finger reached the key, a small “hello” was projected from the speaker of the device.

Hinata yelped in surprise, almost dropping his phone in the process.

“Are you alright back there?” The school doctor called from the other side of the curtain.

“Y-yes!” Hinata answered, a little too quickly.

And although Hinata couldn’t see the doctor’s expression, he swore he heard her chuckle a little which only increased his embarrassment.

“Hello?” the voice on the other end of the line spoke again.

Startled again by the sound, Hinata hurriedly placed his phone next to his ear.

Flustered, Hinata whispered loudly “h-hey Kenma, it’s me.”

There was a pause before Kenma managed to register Hinata’s voice.

“Oh it’s you Shouyou,” he mumbled in his usual unenthusiastic tone.

“U-um…” Hinata stuttered. “I need a l-little bit of h-help with s-something.”

There was another pause before Kenma answered again.

“This is kinda rare… What is it…?”

Hinata gulped. How was he going to tell Kenma without making himself sound weird? Kenma won’t laugh at him right? But he still didn’t want to make the conversation awkward. Dammit, what was he supposed to do?

“Shouyou…?” Kenma asked.

Snapping Hinata out of his endless train of thoughts, Hinata immediately blurted out a stream of words, forgetting that he was still in the infirmary.

“F-fight! K-Kageyama got… I yelled! U-um scared then disappeared! Crying… Kageyama didn’t! Apologize! Need to! W-what should I! H-help me!”

Hinata panicked, tripping all over his words without even managing to speak a whole understandable sentence.

“Calm down Shouyou!” Kenma half shouted.

Hinata immediately shut himself up.

“Now tell me exactly what happened…” Kenma said, returning to his normal tone of voice, with maybe just a slight hint of urgency.

Hinata burst into tears.

The doctor jumped in her seat and got up to see if Hinata was alright. But when she neared the curtain and realised that he was using his cellphone, she decided she wouldn’t interrupt Hinata’s phone call.

“I yelled at Kageyama! And now I don’t know what to do! I haven’t talked to him in an entire week and I’m scared! What if he stops talking to me? What if he starts ignoring me? What if he stops giving me his TOSSES?”

“Slow down…”Kenma said. “Take a deep breath and explain to me everything that happened right from the beginning.”

Hinata sniffed and wiped away his tears.

He breathed in slowly, trying to calm himself down and began talking.

* * *

 

“Hmm… I think I get it now,” Kenma mumbled softly.

“Do you know what I can do?” Hinata blubbered.

“Well… You still have to apologize whether you like it or not…”

Hinata made a sort of choking sound.

“But I just said that I can’t!” Hinata whined. “He’s just going to yell at me or ignore me!”

“But doesn’t he always yell at you?” Kenma pointed out.

“But this time it’s different! Kageyama definitely won’t listen to me! He looked really surprised when I shouted at him! He probably thinks that I hate him now!”

“How can you be so sure of that?” Kenma questioned.

“Like I sai—“Hinata started.

“How can you say that there is a one hundred percent chance that he’ll react like that?”

“Bu—“

“How do you know that’s how Kageyama feels?”

This time Hinata didn’t say anything.

“Shou—“Kenma began.

“I don’t know!” Hinata snapped.

“I don’t know and that’s the problem! I don’t know if he’ll just shrug it off like I wish he would! I don’t know if he’ll yell at me like he always does! I don’t know if he’ll just ignore me and never talk to me again! I don’t know anything and that’s why I’m so scared!”

Hinata panted, out of breath.

The school doctor was starting to get very anxious and wondered whether or not she should step in.

Crap. Hinata thought. This was the second time he had yelled at his friend. What was he going to do if Kenma also stopped talking to him? He seriously needed help.

“Kenma?”

No reply.

“Hey, I’m sorr—“

“Of course you don’t know what he’s thinking!” Kenma shouted, so loud that Hinata had to move his cellphone away from his ear.

It was the first time Hinata had ever heard Kenma shout and he was shocked at the fact that Kenma even had the ability to get worked up over something.

“Of course you don’t know.” Kenma immediately reverted back to his normal state.

“Did you think you were a mind reader?” Kenma continued.

“No one knows what another person is thinking. We can only guess another’s thoughts, but we will never be able to accurately determine exactly what someone else is thinking or what they’re currently feeling.”

“But!”

“Stop doubting yourself Shouyou. And no more what ifs or buts.”

Even though Kenma said what he said, Hinata couldn’t stop himself from worrying.

“You guys are friends right?” Kenma asked.

“Y-yeah…” Hinata murmured unsurely. “Well at least I think we are… But I bet it’s only me and Kageyama thinks I’m just someone annoying haha…” Hinata laughed nervously.

“You guys are friends, _right?_ ” Kenma asked again.

“Yes we are,” Hinata answered quickly.

“Good,” Kenma breathed.

“Just try apologizing. I’m sure you’ll be fine,” he reassured Hinata.

“R-really…?” Hinata said doubtfully.

“Yes.” Kenma replied with such confidence that Hinata finally felt a bit of his courage flow back into his body.

“Ah, but then again… this time might be a bit different...”

“Eh?” Hinata’s newly regained confidence all disappeared down the drain again.

“W-what do you mean…?” Hinata asked hesitantly.

“Hmm… This is a special case I guess.” Kenma paused to think for a moment.

“Tell me! You’re seriously worrying me over here!” Hinata whimpered.

“Well… you’re going to have to figure that out for yourself. It would be pointless for me to tell you after all.”

“Wait! Kenma!” Hinata cried in confusion.

“Sorry I have to go now Shouyou. Good luck!” Kenma said before the line went dead.

“Oi! Kenma! Don’t just hang up on me!” Hinata whined. The sound of the monotone beeps rang through his ears.

Hinata slumped into the bed. Dammit… Kenma didn’t help at all. What did he even mean with that last thing he said? Dammit! Why was everyone being so confusing!

“Dammit!” Hinata yelled, chucking the pillow at the wall before running out the door of the infirmary, leaving the very bewildered school doctor staring after him.

* * *

 

Hinata lay in bed staring at the ceiling.

He had ended up skipping the last bit of school when he had taken off from the infirmary. Hinata had never skipped school before, yet he had ditched with no hesitation.

He had been thinking over what Kenma had said earlier for the past hour already and his head was beginning to hurt. It didn’t help that he wasn’t used to thinking about things unrelated to volleyball for long periods of time.

_“This is a special case I guess.”_

What was a special case? The fight? His reaction? Kageyama’s reaction?

What was that almost hint of excitement in Kenma’s voice? What did he mean? Why did he seem so interested?

Sure he could’ve just been ‘helping out a friend’, but Kenma never EVER got excited…

Dammit! What was he supposed to do? Kenma said to apologize but Hinata still couldn’t get over the fact that Kageyama seemed extremely likely to reject him on the spot.

“Yosh!” Hinata said to himself. “Let’s try a simulation!”

Hinata grabbed a sheet of crinkled paper from his desk and a pen and he quickly scribbled Kageyama’s face onto it (it was actually pretty good). He then taped it to the head of his bed, cleared his throat and began.

‘Hey… Kageyama…’ Hinata mumbled nervously. Why was he so nervous when he was only talking to a sheet of paper? ‘About the other day…’

Hinata swore he heard ‘Kageyama paper version’ humph and then turn away before he was even able to finish.

Hinata ripped the paper off the head of his bed and scrunched it up before tossing it into the wastebasket.

He missed.

Hinata yelled into his pillow, the soft material muffling his frustrated cries and soaking up his salty tears which were beginning to ooze out again.

Dammit! Hinata thought.

Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!

* * *

 

Hinata opened his eyes to the harsh morning light, only to find that he was still in the same position as last night.

He slowly got up and stretched. His whole body felt stiff and sore.

Ugh. He was not looking forward to volleyball practice today. Although he really did want to see Kageyama and apologize, he still wasn’t ready to face him yet.

Nonetheless he still arrived to volleyball practice in his usual energetic self, trying to divert his senpai’s attention from the fresh dark circles under his drooping eyes. His bed hair was even worse than usual today.

Everyone still noticed but decided not to say anything.

Kageyama had already arrived much to Hinata’s relief. At least he wasn’t sick anymore, Hinata thought.

But his relief was immediately replaced with dread as soon as Kageyama turned in his direction. Hinata whipped his head away when he feared that they were going to make eye contact.

No! I avoided him! Hinata thought to himself. Shouyou you idiot! Stupid!

Hinata snapped out of his trance when Coach Ukai called for everyone to gather round.

“Since we finally have both of the first year duo here today, I’d like you two to practice your freak quick as much as possible today! Everyone else do your best to support them. Remember, Hinata hasn’t practiced in a week so go easy on him Kageyama!”

“Osu!”

Kageyama and Hinata immediately went off to train.

As soon as Hinata stepped on court, he felt all his confidence rush back to him. Being on the court soothed him and comforted him. It really was the best feeling.

In no time at all, Hinata was itching to practice the special quick that only the two of them could do.

Hinata ran up towards the net and leaped into the air in a splendid jump.

“Bwah!” Hinata yelped as the ball whammed into his face, knocking him down to the ground.

The whole team gathered round, asking if he was ok.

“Well it has been a week…” Sugawara said. “You guys are just out of practice.”

Everyone nodded, believing that that was the truth.

But soon enough, it was clear that Kageyama was not acting normal.

Multiple times the volleyball hit Hinata square in the face and when it didn’t, it completely missed Hinata altogether.

“Hey, are you ok Kageyama?” Daichi asked.

Kageyama panted, clouds of hot air escaping his mouth. He nodded.

Sugawara placed his hand on Kageyama’s forehead.

“No you’re not! You’ve got a crazy high fever!”

The entire team focused all their attention on Kageyama.

“I-I’m fine,” Kageyama croaked, his voice had gone all hoarse. No wonder he seemed really quite today, Hinata thought.

He staggered a few steps forward, unsteady on his feet and bent down to pick up a volleyball that was lying on the ground nearby.

“Oi Kageyama!” Nishinoya yelled.

And then,

Kageyama fainted.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda wrote Kenma completely OOC but oh well  
> I like helpful talks in riddles Kenma XD  
> This chapter was basically completely about Hinata in order to make up for the previous chapter with Kageyama but yeah I've been basically talking in Kageyama's POV this entire time so I may or may not change it up a bit XD  
> See ya next chapter~~~


	8. Invincible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thought of Kageyama getting sick really irks Hinata. But King's don't suffer from illnesses right...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeeeeaaaahhh I finally managed to finish this chapter!  
> I'd like to thank all the wonderful people who left lovely comments and reviews last chapter TTvTT  
> It really means a lot! They were very encouraging  
> I've been writing this fanfiction late at night everyday because any other time during the day I'm too busy...  
> This chapter is kinda boring in my opinion... but meh...  
> For what it's worth   
> Enjoy chapter 8~~~

Sugawara placed his hand on Kageyama’s forehead and recoiled instantly as though he had just touched a burning hot iron. “What are you saying!? You’ve got a crazy fever!” His mum switch turned on. “You can’t play in this condition! You have to rest!”

“I’m fine,” Kageyama breathed. His voice was barely audible and the texture of it had become scratchy and coarse, certainly not a nice sound to hear. No wonder Kageyama had seemed so quiet during practice today Hinata thought.

Kageyama staggered a few steps forward, wobbling dangerously as though his legs would give way any moment. He bent down to pick up a volleyball that was lying beside his feet.

“Oi Kageyama!” Nishinoya yelled.

The volleyball slipped out of Kageyama’s fingers and landed with a dull thud on the ground.

His body followed soon after.

Kageyama had fainted.

* * *

 

Everyone rushed towards his unconscious body and Takeda started panicking.

“A-a-ambula-la,” He stuttered.

“Wait calm down sensei!” Ukai shook Takeda trying to snap him out of his trance.

“Ambulance!” Takeda yelled as though he did not even see Ukai. “Call an ambulance! 119! The police! Firemen!”

While Ukai tried to calm Takeda down, Sugawara took charge around Kageyama.                

“Tanaka! Asahi! Lift him up carefully and lie him down on the bench!” Sugawara had that certain tone of urgency in his voice that was much like a mother’s. One that you couldn’t refuse. Not that anyone had any reason to do so in this situation. Tanaka and Asahi did as they were told.

“Nishinoya! Grab some clean towels and some drink bottles that are still full!” Sugawara instructed.

“On it!” Nishinoya ran off to gather the items.

“Ennoshita! Call the hospital!” It was probably unnecessary to say that as Ennoshita had already begun punching the numbers into his cellphone long before the order had even been given.

“Daichi! Go look for a teacher that can take Kageyama to the hospital!”

“Eh?” Daichi said puzzled. “But what about Takeda sense—“

“Do you think we can rely on him right now?” Everyone was a little shocked that Sugawara had just openly insulted someone but he was right, Takeda was still panicking and Ukai was still trying to calm him down. Daichi immediately left. Even he was not willing to argue with Sugawara when he was in his Sugamama mode.

“Tsukki! What do we do!?” Yamaguchi blubbered to Tsukishima. “What if he dies? Tsukki what will we do then!?”

“Shut up Yamaguchi.” But even Tsukishima had a hint of worry in his voice.

Nishinoya came flying back into the scene, his arms full with drink bottles and towels.

“Tsukishima! Yamaguchi!” Sugawara yelled again. “Help me lower his temperature!”

Yamaguchi began helping with no hesitation, fumbling around with the bottles, but Tsukishima was not as cooperative.

“Tch, why do I ha—“

“Tsukishima,” Sugawara murmured dangerously, giving him a look that was almost threatening.

Tsukishima knew better than to argue.

Hinata watched the event unfold before him, unmoving. Hinata didn’t know what to do in this kind of situation so he just kind of stood there, mind blank, staring at Kageyama’s agony induced face, the beads of sweat rolling down his pale complexion and the clouds of steamy breath that appeared and disappeared above his unnervingly still body.

“Hinata.”

He didn’t respond.

“Hinata!” Sugawara called.

This time he looked up.

Sugawara started when he saw Hinata’s expression.

“Are you ok?” Sugawara spoke in a softer tone. “You look horrible.”

“Eh? R-really?”

Hinata only just realised that he was gritting his teeth so hard it was beginning to hurt. His fists had been clenched tightly at his sides as if they were desperately clinging on to something and didn’t want to let go. Cold sweat had caused his sunny orange hair to stick in clumps to his skin making his mess of a head even unrulier than before.

“I-I’m o-ok,” Hinata stammered. _I’m not ok!_ He wanted to shout. _Why did Kageyama faint?_ He wanted to ask. _Was it HIS FAULT?_

Hinata bit his lip, trying not to let the tears right on the edge of his eyes spill over.

“Don’t worry,” Sugawara said, patting his head. “It’ll be fine.”

 _No it most definitely is not fine!_ Hinata wanted to scream. But the fact that he was even thinking these kinds of thoughts when Sugawara was trying to comfort him only made him feel worse.

“Hey Hinata, do you think you can go get Kageyama’s things and bring it over here for me?”

The thought that Hinata might be of a just the smallest bit of little help to Kageyama gave him a little strength. He immediately dashed to the clubroom to look for Kageyama’s possessions.

* * *

 

After about 15 minutes of turning the clubroom upside down searching for Kageyama’s bag and uniform, he finally found it wedged in a gap between the lockers and the wall.

Why would he stash his stuff in such a bizarre place? Hinata wondered. It certainly wasn’t an easy place to access.

Tossing the thought aside, Hinata grabbed the items and ran back out the door.

* * *

 

“Hey Daichi…” Sugawara said.

Daichi had managed to find a teacher to offer their help to take Kageyama to the hospital and Asahi and Tanaka were helping the teacher carry Kageyama to the car.

“Yeah?” Daichi was busying himself with cleaning up the gym. The normal training was long from over but everyone figured they would all go and take the bus to the hospital to wait for Kageyama’s diagnosis. Many other Karasuno volleyball team members were also darting around the gym, picking up volleyballs and mopping the floor.

“Do you think Kageyama will be ok? I heard high fevers can lead to worse i-illnesses…” the last word was uttered with such reluctance, it sounded as though it had took everything in him to force it through the gaps between his lips.

Daichi sighed. “Don’t overthink it.” He slapped Sugawara’s back (receiving a loud “OOF” in response) “you always end up doing that.”

Sugawara winced as he rubbed the area in which he had just been hit. “Haha… I guess you’re right…” but he didn’t sound as though he had been convinced at all.

Hinata stood outside, listening intently to the conversation that was being held inside. Kageyama was… might be…? He furiously shook his head. No. There’s no way Kageyama would. But what if… What if… he wasn’t able to play volleyball anymore? What if he wasn’t able to toss to Hinata anymore?

Where would his invincibility go then? What was the strongest decoy without his setter? Without Kageyama he would be nothing. A nobody.

Hinata’s arms flopped to his sides, forgetting that they were supposed to be holding Kageyama’s items. The heavy bag hit the ground with a muffled _clunk,_ the fall softened by the long grass growing beside the gym.

Sugawara and Daichi’s voices immediately became quiet.

Hinata then realised that if he was eavesdropping, he probably should’ve been more careful with his actions.

“Hinata?” Sugawara called from inside the gym.

Hinata peeked his head from the doorway and grinned sheepishly. Sugawara picked up on the situation right then.

“How much did you hear…?” Sugawara tried to approach the subject delicately.

“N-nothing! I heard nothing! N-nothing at a-all!” Hinata blabbered, flailing his arms in the air in wild gestures.

Daichi stared and Sugawara raised an eyebrow.

“I mean I h-heard a little, just a little. I d-didn’t mean—but I just! I just happened to--!” Hinata came up with a whole string of excuses, none of which seemed even remotely plausible.

“I’m sorry,” Hinata lowered his head. “I heard everything.”

Sugawara laughed cheerily causing Hinata’s face to flush a bright red. But his mood quickly darkened.

“Sorry that you had to hear that,” Sugawara apologized. “It seems that you just keep receiving more things to worry about…”

Hinata was indeed becoming more and more anxious, but Sugawara was only half-right, as the roots of his problems all technically came from the same place.  Lately, Kageyama seemed to be occupying so much of his time and effort that there was nothing else in his head but Kageyama.

“It’s ok,” Hinata mumbled. “He’s invincible after all.”

“Eh?”

“Nothing!” Hinata said quickly. Kageyama had said that he was so he was, right?

“Why don’t you go with the sensei to take Kageyama to the hospital?” Sugawara suggested.

“Huh!?” Hinata froze. He wasn’t ready to see Kageyama yet! Let alone be with him with no one else around (except the teacher). Sure he would be knocked out cold and probably wouldn’t even know that Hinata was there but _still._ The car had probably left already anyway.

“The car probably still hasn’t left yet,” Sugawara said, confirming Hinata’s fears. “And we need someone to take his stuff for him,” he glanced out the doorway where Kageyama’s bag and its contents still lay scattered over the grass.

“I-I can’t!” Hinata cried.

“Why not?” Daichi asked.

Hinata opened his mouth to speak before realising that ‘I can’t face Kageyama right now’ probably wasn’t the best excuse to use.

“M-my stomach hurts.” He lied instead. He clutched his stomach dramatically (if that was even possible) and made horrible groaning and moaning noises.

Daichi chuckled before throwing his demanding captain’s glare in Hinata’s direction.

Hinata dropped the act, grabbed Kageyama’s things and was out the gym in 2 seconds flat.

Sugawara and Daichi watched the little figure run off and jump inside a car. The car drove away moments later.

“Daichi, do you think he’ll _ever_ realise?” Sugawara sighed.

“I wonder about that…”

* * *

 

Hinata bowed many times to the teacher and explained the situation to him before throwing Kageyama’s bag and clothes into the boot and climbing into the backseat of the car. Problem was, Kageyama was also lying down and took up the entire back row. Hinata had two options, to give Kageyama a lap pillow and sit still like a rock for 45 minutes and risk getting a leg cramp or to sit up front. The latter seemed much more appealing at the moment.

“Hinata-kun,” the teacher said. “Can you stay with Kageyama-kun and make sure he doesn’t roll off the seats during the ride?”

Well, Hinata thought, there went his options.

Hinata stared at Kageyama’s face. It was still contorted with pain but it had softened ever so slightly. He looked peaceful and kind of… cool. He would be so much more attractive if he just stopped frowning a little, Hinata thought. What a waste.

His heart skipped a beat.

What was he thinking? Kageyama was his arch-rival. You weren’t supposed to think these kinds of things about your worst enemy!

All of a sudden, the idea of giving Kageyama a lap pillow just got a whole lot worse.

“Hinata-kun?” The teacher called from the front seat. “We need to go.”

“R-right!”

What was he doing? Kageyama needed to go to the hospital! This was no time to be thinking about these things!

Hinata carefully slotted himself underneath Kageyama’s head, shut the door behind him and they were off.

* * *

 

Hinata tried to look elsewhere, anywhere as long as it wasn’t at Kageyama. His fingers itched, resisting the urge to run his hand through the messy looking black hair that lay before him. His face felt hot. He hoped the teacher didn’t notice his reddening cheeks.

Hinata tried to think of something that could distract him. Bad idea.

His thoughts drifted back to what Sugawara had said earlier.

He had said that high fevers could potentially lead to much worse sicknesses. Does that mean that Kageyama could end up like that? He wouldn’t right?

Kings didn’t suffer from things like illnesses right?

The more Hinata thought about it, the more his chest tightened. He wanted to run his hand through the coal hair sprawled over his lap but this time for a different reason.

He wanted to reassure himself that Kageyama was actually there, warm, still breathing. He wanted to confirm Kageyama’s existence.

Hinata placed his hand on Kageyama’s head. It was hot. Uncomfortably hot. But Kageyama’s hair was soft and silky despite appearing rather stiff and bristly. It was a nice feeling.

Kageyama’s fever hadn’t gone down at all, in fact it seemed to be getting higher. His face was a sickly pale colour, a complete contrast against his dark hair.

Hinata looked out the window and watched the scenery of trees and buildings fly past, his hand still gently stroking Kageyama’s hair.

Kageyama would be fine right? Kageyama had said so. He had said that as long as he was there, Hinata would be invincible. So there was no way he would just disappear right? Of course not. After all, to Hinata,

Kageyama was invincible.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fufufufu  
> Sugamama and Sawapapa know~~~  
> Everything from this point on will probably be mainly in Hinata's POV  
> Keyword: PROBABLY  
> Since I always end up changing things around...  
> Please leave a comment or review! It's really nice listening to what my readers think  
> See you next chapter~~~


	9. Apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama is in the hospital  
> How does Hinata respond?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY GUYS IT TOOK SO LONG FOR THIS CHAPTER TO COME OUT   
> I was stuck in writers clock for a while and couldn't write anything TT^TT  
> So this chapter may or may not be kinda gross and horrible to read  
> And thanks once again to my lovely reviewers XD  
> For what its worth  
> Enjoy chapter 9~~~

Hinata jostled around in his seat.

There were a lot of people around it seemed. Old people, children, teenagers, parents. They were all there. All sitting in the waiting room, either awaiting a diagnosis or awaiting word from one of the doctors about their family members. Either way, the building seemed rather crowded.

Hinata felt uncomfortable and the small space that he was able to move around him suffocated him. It felt like he was a bird trapped in a tiny cage. He would occasionally give up his seat to those who looked to be particularly in need, but would recede back into the hard plastic chair when the occupant eventually got up and left.

It had been a while since sensei and Kageyama had been called in by a doctor and Hinata didn’t think he could bear staying still for much longer.

The loud gossiping between the receptionists, the piercing cries of babies and small children, the vast amount of people injured and sick, the revolting smell of disinfectant. It made Hinata want to hurl right onto the little girl running around in front of him.

Sugawara had texted him that the rest of the team might not be able to make it to the hospital because a little problem that Sugawara refused to outline had cropped up. Hinata wished that they were there too.

He really didn’t want to stay there alone.

* * *

 

“Hinata-san?”

Hinata looked up to see a nurse glancing down at him.

“Excuse me, are you Hinata Shouyou-san?” She asked.

“Y-yeah,” Hinata replied.

“Could you please come with me? Your sensei is calling for you.”

The nurse walked briskly, weaving between the crowds of people carefully, but quickly. Hinata almost got lost a few times before managing to catch up again. The nurse lead him down a corridor that was surprisingly rather empty compared to the previous room he was in. After a few twists and turns through the maze of hallways, the nurse finally slowed to a stop at a room.

‘ _Room 109_ ’the sign on the door read.

Hinata noticed his sensei standing outside, talking to a man he didn’t recognise.

“Ah Hinata-kun,” the teacher called out to him. The other man also turned around to face him.

“Hello Hinata-san,” the man held out his hand and smiled warmly. Hinata cautiously brought his hand out and shook the stranger’s one.

“I’m Saito-san, the doctor who will be in charge of Kageyama-san during his stay in this hospital.”

Hinata felt uneasy talking to the man. His smile seemed superficial and fake, and it was creeping him out. What was there to be happy about when there were sick people everywhere?

“Your sensei has told me all about you and your relationship with Kageyama-san,” Dr. Saito continued. “Would you happen to know any of Kageyama-san’s parents’ contact details?”

Come to think of it, Kageyama never really talked about himself, Hinata thought. But then again, neither did he. They mainly spent their lunchtimes talking about volleyball or playing volleyball. They didn’t do much else together.

“U-um… sorry but I don’t…” Hinata mumbled.

The doctor seemed extremely shocked by this statement, but quickly covered it up by plastering the smile over his face again.

“Oh that’s ok, but we do need to discuss Kageyama-san’s condition with his parents or at least another family member,” Dr. Saito remarked.

Hinata got a little pissed. The doctor sounded as though the only reason Hinata needed to be there was so that he would be able to contact Kageyama’s relatives.

“It’s fine!” Hinata half-yelled, wary of his current location. “Me and Kageyama are basically like family!” Hinata didn’t actually think they were, but he felt it necessary to say that right then.

The doctor thought about it for a moment before nodding to the sensei.

“Thank you very much Saito-san.” Sensei bowed. “Hinata-kun, I leave Kageyama-kun to you then.” Then he turned around and left.

* * *

 

Now there was only Hinata and Dr. Saito left in the hallway.

“Ok, I want you to listen carefully,” Dr. Saito said, his smile replaced with a serious expression.

Hinata gulped.

“Overwork, lack of sleep, insomnia and an unbalanced diet. All of these things have led to Kageyama-san’s current condition.”

Hinata’s eyes widened. Had Kageyama really been dealing with all these problems? Kageyama had always seemed pretty normal during trainings until recently. Was the doctor trying to joke around?

“Prolonged problems like the ones I have just mentioned often lead to common disorders in the internal organs.” Dr. Saito paused and took a deep breath.

Eh? He couldn’t mean…

“Although the chances are low, Kageyama-san may have to undergo surgery. If he doesn’t wake up within the next week then we will have to operate on him.”

Then it hit him. And it hit him hard.

It was like a wakeup call for Hinata. Never had he thought that Kageyama, the invincible Kageyama, had his own weaknesses. Was it his fault? It was wasn’t it? Kageyama had done so much for him, yet all he could return were more problems.

Hinata forced himself to turn away from his thoughts.

It’s ok, he told himself. It’s ok.

Yet even as he constantly uttered these words to himself, his lips began to tremble and his body began to shake.

His body refused to listen to the pleas of his mind.

“Hinata-san?” Dr. Saito said.

“Its ok, the chances are extremely low, and even if Kageyama-san does end up having to take the surgery, the chances of it failing are next to impossible,” he reassured.

However, all Hinata could pick up was the ‘NEXT to impossible’ part. That meant it could still happen right…? What would happen if the operation did fail?

Hinata was too scared to ask.

“U-umm…” Hinata’s voice wobbled.

“C-can I go s-see him?”

The doctor seemed somewhat relieved that Hinata seemed to be fine enough to be able to at least talk a little.

“Sure, although he’s still unconscious, you may visit him as long as you are not too loud.” he smiled warmly. A genuine one. “He’s right past those doors.” He gestured to the double doors beside them.

Hinata bowed slightly before making his way over to the entranceway to Kageyama’s room.

He gripped the handle tightly, hesitating to push it open.

He was terrified about what he might see on the other side. If he walked on, he would be walking straight into his own fear. If he stayed on this side though, he could remain ignorant, brush this off and return back to his small little world.

But no matter what, he still needed to see Kageyama, to make sure that he was okay. Still alive. Still breathing.

Hinata inhaled and pushed open the door.

* * *

 

A dim white light was emitted from the ceiling, giving the room a dull glow. The pale green curtains had been pulled shut. It wasn’t necessary to keep them open after all.

There wasn’t much in the room. A couple of chairs similar to those in the waiting room for any visitors, an old bedside table with an empty vase sitting dully on top and lastly, a large, white hospital bed.

Kageyama lay there silent. It felt a little odd for Hinata, seeing Kageyama that quiet. Not that he could really help it considering his current state. He was connected up to an IV drip that was constantly refilling and feeding Kageyama his medication.

Kageyama’s chest rose and fell in a slow rhythm and not the fast-paced uneven beat that Hinata was used to. His complexion was a lot calmer and he was no longer sweating in torrents. Hinata sighed in relief.

Even though it was unnecessary as Kageyama was unconscious, Hinata stepped as lightly as he could as though he were afraid to have him wake up and yell at him. He wished that he would though.

Oh how he wished.

Hinata picked up a chair and softly placed it beside the bed. He sat down and watched Kageyama’s face, not caring about how weird that seemed.

Although it was hard to see, if you looked closely enough, there were indeed bags under Kageyama’s eyes and his brows were slightly furrowed, creating wrinkles on his forehead.

Hinata chuckled quietly to himself and used his finger to push at the crinkles that lined his head.

“That’s no good Kageyama,” he murmured. “If you keep frowning like that, you’ll scare everybody away.”

And as if in response to Hinata’s statement, Kageyama’s facial muscles relaxed, and the creases smoothed out.

Hinata retracted his hand and instead, placed it in Kageyama’s.

“Hey Kageyama…” Hinata whispered, his voice barely audible.

“I know that you probably can’t hear me, that you probably can’t feel my presence and that you probably wont ever know that I was here. But I just really want to say that the time I spent with you was really special. You gave me a new way of fighting in volleyball, a new world that even someone as short as me could survive in. Yet I took it all for granted.”

Hinata laughed softly. But it wasn’t his usual bubbly laugh that he used so often that it annoyed those around him, it was a lifeless one. Empty and lined with sadness. As though he was pitying or maybe even mocking himself.

“This is all my fault isn’t it? Even though you had so much to deal with already, I just had to open my big mouth and make everything worse didn’t I?”

Hinata tightened his grip around Kageyama, but quickly loosened it again as though he had just done something illegal.

“You’ve given me more than what I could ever ask for, yet I had just chucked it down at your feet as though it were something worthless.”

A small stream rolled down the side of Hinata’s face.

“And now you’re like this. And it’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have shouted at you. I shouldn’t have skipped club. I shouldn’t have avoided you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

Hinata wiped at the tears that were now flowing freely down his reddening cheeks.

“When you get better, you will go back to playing volleyball. You’ll keep being that amazing setter on the Karasuno High School Men’s Volleyball Club. You’ll find another partner for our… _your_ quick-strike. Someone like me doesn’t deserve any of this.”

Hinata clutched Kageyama’s hand tenderly, in a way that even Hinata didn’t understand.

“Thank you for everything.” A hint of a smile crept into his expression.

“Sir,” a nurse called from behind him. “Visiting hours are now ending.”

Hinata’s arms fell lifelessly to his sides. He got up and walked towards the door.

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t fulfil my promise. But you will find someone even better to fill in the gap. I’m sorry but…” Hinata stood in the doorway.

“But this is goodbye, Kageyama.”

And he was gone.

Kageyama’s hand lay still, the warmth from Hinata’s touch slowly dissipating into the cool night air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know I said there was going to be fluff and there will  
> I PROMISE  
> But just not yet...  
> Saito was just some random name I came up with, sorry but hes not particularly important lol   
> I want to avoid putting OCs in the story as much as possible  
> And it was terrible writing this chapter  
> I didn't have fun at all (ok yes I enjoyed writing it but it was still horrible)  
> Please review and tell me what you think XD  
> See you guys next chapter~~~


	10. Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hahaha... this took a long time to write oops  
> I ended up writing another fanfic too...   
> Increasing my workload OTL  
> Anyway for what it's worth  
> Enjoy Chapter 10~~~

Kageyama felt so, so tired.

He didn’t have any strength.

His throat felt tight and his eyelids felt heavy.

So tired.

He lay still in his own pit of darkness, letting the pure nothingness consume him.

It’s fine to stop trying…right?

_“Kageyama!”_

It’s fine to give up…right?

_“Kageyama! I’m here!”_

It’s fine to forget…right?

A flash of orange entered his vision and slowly, agonizingly slowly stole the shadows away.

“No. It isn’t.”

* * *

 

The next day all the members of Karasuno arrived at the hospital, bringing various gifts with them. Everyone stared as the group of black clothed teenagers amassed themselves in the waiting room while Takeda and Ukai went to talk to the receptionists.

Tanaka and Nishinoya were jumping around as usual, excitedly discussing the topic of whether or not Kiyoko would look good in a nurse’s outfit while Ennoshita and the other second years tried their best to tell them to shut up. Sugawara, Asahi and Daichi chatted away quietly while Tsukishima and Yamaguchi sat silently in the corner.

They appeared rather lively. Well about as lively as you could get in a hospital without getting told off, yet there was a certain tense atmosphere hanging in the air, as though the liveliness was rather forced.

“Hey, where’s Hinata?” Asahi whispered to Sugawara and Daichi so the others wouldn’t hear.

Daichi grimaced and Sugawara shook his head.

“He’s not coming.” Sugawara murmured. “He said he had some important stuff to do and couldn’t make it and he just told me to give Kageyama this.” He gestured to a small white envelope in his lap beside a large bouquet the team had bought for Kageyama.

“What’s in it?” Asahi questioned just out of curiosity.

Sugawara shrugged. “Hinata specifically said not to look inside.”

Asahi stared dumbfounded at the small little envelope. What could possibly be in it that Hinata who was never one for secrets, would go as far as not to let anyone else see it?

Just as he opened his mouth to ask, Takeda walked over.

“Guys, we can go in now. Because there’s so many of us, I think it would be best if we split into groups.”

Daichi nodded and split the team into three groups and one by one they followed after a nurse that led them to the hospital room.

* * *

 

The first group consisted of Tsukishima, Yamaguchi and two of the second years, Narita and Kinoshita. They didn’t stay inside for very long. Tsukishima chucked a store-bought card onto the table before briskly exiting the room. Yamaguchi hastily placed a small box of chocolate down before hurrying after him. Narita and Kinoshita carefully placed a neatly arranged basket of fruit beside the empty vase and stood there for about two minutes, before quietly leaving.

The second group consisted of Tanaka, Nishinoya and Ennoshita. Even though he was noisy while in the waiting room, as soon as Tanaka saw Kageyama lying in bed, he became silent. He sat in the same chair Hinata sat in last night (not that he knew) and grit his teeth. Nishinoya piled a large stack of Pocky on the bedside table, so large that it began wobbling dangerously, on the edge of toppling over. He went and stood beside Tanaka, gripping his shoulder tightly in silent comfort. Ennoshita sighed in relief, glad that they didn’t decide to make a racket. They remained in the same position for a while, the tranquillity somewhat strange yet it didn’t feel right to break it. Then they all shuffled out.

The last group was the remaining third years plus Takeda and Ukai. Sugawara squeezed the large bouquet of flowers into the small vase and filled it with water using his drink bottle. He sat down beside Kageyama.

“It’s going to be fine Kageyama.” He said.

“Everything’s going to be ok. Things will work out between you and Hinata don’t worry.”

Sugawara clasped Kageyama’s hand, placing Hinata’s crumpled envelope in his palm and closing his fingers.

“We need you to come back. Tanaka, Nishinoya, all of us need you. _Hinata needs you._ ”

Sugawara let go of his hand.

“So get well soon ok?”

Daichi, Asahi, Ukai and Takeda all smiled a little sadly before they too exited the room.

* * *

 

Hinata sighed, sitting at his desk with his head slumped on the table toward the side.

Not being able to play volleyball was still the absolute worst. His whole body felt restless and he really wanted to just once more, experience the stinging on his palm from his favourite toss and spike from the best setter. But he couldn’t go back there to the gym. He had already made a resolve to never step within five meters of the volleyball court.

The team must be visiting Kageyama around now, he thought.

Hinata wondered if his letter managed to reach Kageyama and whether or not Sugawara had looked inside. He hoped he hadn’t, it would be terrible if he did. He wondered when Kageyama would eventually open his eyes. He hoped it would be soon. He wondered how Kageyama would react to the letter inside the envelope. He hoped it would be ok for him.

Hinata turned his head over so he facing the other side. He saw the notepad he was using last night to write the letter with and he also noticed something that looked strikingly similar to the letter…

Hinata jolted up and snatched up the crisp white paper, scanning his eyes over the contents.

He froze.

The letter that he had spent all of last night writing, the one he had to pull an all-nighter for was here, in his room. He had put in all of his effort, writing and rewriting the message over and over again and he was stupid enough to forget to put it into the envelope.

Things just couldn’t get any worse.

Hinata whipped his head to his clock. If he left now, he _just might_ be able to make it to the hospital before visiting hours ended. If he used his bike and pedalled as fast as he could.

Hinata hastily pulled on a jacket and grabbed the letter which was now rather crinkled. He snuck out of his room and down the hallway. His parents were watching TV with his sister in the living room which made it a lot easier for him. He quietly slipped out through the door and biked off.

* * *

 

Half an hour of rigorous pedalling later, Hinata found himself outside the hospital Kageyama was admitted at, panting hard and barely able to stand. He stuffed his hand inside his pocket confirming that the paper was still there and rushed inside.

The receptionists were already beginning to clear out their things on the front desk when Hinata ran up to them.

“ _Room…ha… 1…109…please…fuu…”_ Hinata puffed.

“Sir, visiting hours will be ending shortly,” one of the receptionists said. “Please come back tomorrow.”

 _“Please…I’ll be…haa…really fast…”_ Hinata begged in airy breaths.

The receptionists looked at him weirdly.

“Fine,” one answered. “Do you know the way?”

Hinata’s face lit up.

“Yes! Thank you very much!” He beamed and sprinted off.

“Hey! Don’t run!” the receptionists called after him.

Hinata skidded to a halt outside Kageyama’s hospital room.

God he was so glad that no one was there to hear what he had said yesterday. Otherwise it would be so embarrassing to come back right after saying goodbye. That would be so lame of him.

He pushed open the double doors.

The first thing Hinata noticed was the pile of various gifts on the bedside table. The flowers and presents seemed to make the whitewashed hospital room just a little bit happier and less depressing. Though there seemed there were still nothing from Kageyama’s parents. Odd. Had the doctor still not reached them?

The second thing he noticed was the absence of his envelope from the stack on the bedside table. His heart jumped. Hinata hoped that Sugawara hadn’t forgotten about it. He frantically searched through the pile making sure that it hadn’t been hidden under something, careful so as to not knock anything over.

He still couldn’t find it.

He panicked and started flipping through the entire room just in case it had fallen somewhere. After about five minutes of searching, he gave up. Then out of the corner of his eye, he spotted the small white letter held in Kageyama’s hand and he immediately relaxed.

But why was it there? Sugawara must’ve done something, Hinata thought.

Hinata carefully pried the envelope from underneath Kageyama’s slim fingers and gently lifted the seal off, trying not to rip the paper. He folded up his not-so-neat letter and tucked it inside before replacing it in Kageyama’s hand.

Hinata had never really noticed it, but Kageyama’s fingers were really thin and long, almost like a girl’s. Even though his hand was so much smaller, the width of his fingers were about the same as Kageyama’s.

Hinata wrapped his fingers around Kageyama’s. Despite having countless blisters and calluses on his hands, Kageyama’s skin still felt surprisingly soft.

Nonononono! Hinata internally yelled to himself, feeling his face flush. What was he doing! He had already told himself he wouldn’t!

Hinata quickly untangled himself from Kageyama but before he was able to finish, he felt a slight, ever so slight squeeze from Kageyama.

Hinata felt his heart jump into his throat. Did Kageyama wake up? Hinata watched Kageyama in both anticipation and dread. But he lay still and unmoving, showing no signs of emerging from his deep sleep.

Hinata’s heart fell. Was it just his imagination?

Hinata pulled his hand away and brought it up to his chest. He could feel his heartbeat, strong and fast underneath his palm.

He needed to get out. Now.

* * *

 

Hinata sprinted as fast as he could back down the hallway he had come from.

“Oof!” he grunted, feeling the impact of ramming into someone.

“Ah! I’m so sorry!” He apologized in a deep bow.

“Eh? Hinata? Is that you?” a horribly familiar voice said.

“Huh?” Hinata looked up and came face to face with the number one person he did not want to see right now.

In front of him was Sugawara.

“What are you doing here?” Sugawara asked.

“E-eh? Umm… N-nothing…” Hinata stuttered. “W-what about you?”

“I just came back to grab the drink bottle that I had left here earlier. I need it for training tomorrow after all.” Sugawara replied.

Hinata stared at his feet, not able to look him in the eye.

“Hey about the thing we were discussing bef—“Sugawara started.

“Ah! Would you look at the time!” Hinata yelled, while looking at his wrist even though he didn’t have a watch on it.

“Hinata you don’t even have a—“

“Sorry Sugawara-san! I gotta go!”

“Hey wait! Hinata!”

But Hinata had already sprinted out of the hospital, gotten on his bike and raced away in record time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Urm...  
> I just want to ask you guys please of your opinions on this story  
> Cuz honestly it feels like its getting worse and worse  
> Is it? I just really want to know (its ok to be honest)  
> Please comment your thoughts TnT  
> Thank you!  
> See you guys next chapter...


	11. Realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY FINISHED HOLY GOD THIS TOOK SO LONG TO CHURN OUT  
> But before we get into the chapter i just really want to say  
> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE SUPPORT  
> I DIDN'T KNOW THAT I HAD SUCH LOVELY FANS I NOW I FEEL STUPID FOR EVEN BEING SO DEPRESSED  
> HOW COULD I HAVE EVER DOUBTED YOU GUYS TuT  
> ALL YOUR COMMENTS MADE ME FEEL ALL WARM AND FUZZY INSIDE u.u  
> ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU ALL AND SORRY FOR WORRYING YOU GUYS  
> YES I WILL DEFINITELY BE SEEING THIS FANFIC TO THE END  
> I AM VERY DETERMINED TO FINISH THIS  
> (this chapter is also slightly longer than usual XD only slightly though)  
> Bur for now  
> For what it's worth  
> Enjoy chapter 11~~~

Hinata crashed in through the front door of his house and carefully closed the door, making sure to firmly lock all possible locks (there were three) and slumped down against the cold hard wood.

He hastily slipped off his shoes so he could quickly get himself back up to his room before his parents caught him red-handed. Unluckily for him though, in his haste, he tripped and fell face first into the scruffy carpet that lined the floor, presenting his parents (who were still in the living room) with a rather distasteful “BWAAGH!” and a nice loud thud.

“Ow…” Hinata mumbled, rubbing his nose and checking to see if it had been squashed or broken by his previous blunder. It seemed wholly intact, which Hinata was happy to know.

What he wasn’t happy to know however, was the feeling of a rather ominous presence emanating from behind him.  Hinata felt his Adam’s apple catch in his throat and he slowly turned his head, coming face to face with his parents, towering over him and looking most unimpressed.

Oops. Hinata thought.

* * *

 

Hinata buried his face into the soft duvet of his bed. He could say with confidence that today was the absolute worst day of his entire 15 years of living, except for maybe the day he lost to Kageyama.

First he didn’t get _any_ sleep last night due to the fact he was fretting over the way he wrote a stupid letter (he didn’t actually think it was stupid) and then he wasn’t able to play volleyball which was bad enough in and of itself (even though it was he himself who had decided this). And of course he, being the idiot he was, forgot to put that letter that was excruciatingly painful to finish into the goddamn envelope. So he had to bike _all the way_ to the hospital to get it to Kageyama. And what were even the chances that he would bump into Sugawara? Next to _nothing._ And yet out of _all_ the times Sugawara could’ve come in to retrieve his bottle, he had decided to choose a time in which Hinata would be there too. And just when he had thought he was safe from anymore mishaps after arriving back to his house, he just _had_ to trip over and land himself a long-assed lecture from his parents about going out late at night.

Hinata grumbled into his blankets, muffling his own voice so as not to earn himself another long winded talk from his parents.

Well it wasn’t all bad things he supposed. He was able to see Kageyama one last time. And hold his hand for a teeny little while. And…

His thoughts drifted back to that little squeeze that he swore he had felt from Kageyama. But hadn’t he already written it off as his imagination? But the sensation was real. He could still feel the ever so slight pressure lingering on his skin, the one that had tugged him all the more toward Kageyama.

His heart had jumped to his throat in that one short moment, painting his cheeks a bright red colour. And he had let his thoughts run wild or rather, he couldn’t control them anymore. They had spilled forth from the back of his mind, making selfish wishes that Kageyama would wake up right then and there and squeeze his hand for real. Pull him down toward the bed and maybe just hold him there for a while. Let his warmth envelope him so he could just snuggle into the nook underneath Kageyama’s chin and…

And stop.

Nononononono what was he thinking? Hinata dropped his reddening face into his small hands, shielding it from no one. That would be _disgusting._

Kageyama was his _friend._ And _friends_ didn’t do that kind of thing together. At least according to Hinata’s experience in which he was pretty sure was reliable. So why was he thinking such ridiculous thoughts? Of course it didn’t mean anything right?

_Right?_

Hinata clambered up and snatched his cellphone from off his desk. He clumsily typed a quick message onto the screen and hit send.

* * *

 

 **To: Kenma**  
Sub: (no subject)   
_Sent 9:10pm_

_hey kenma!_

_i need urgnt hlp rite now plz!_

_plz its an emergncy!_

_-_

Hinata stared at his phone, hoping that Kenma would reply fast because he sure as hell would like someone to talk to right now about his mess of feelings and emotions. He wasn’t disappointed. Only moments after he had sent the text, his phone buzzed in his hand and a familiar tone rang noisily throughout his room and echoed off the thin walls.

Crap, Hinata thought as he hurriedly turned his phone’s volume level to vibrate. He did _not_ want his parents to find something else to lecture him about.

 **From: Kenma**  
Sub: Re: (no subject)   
_Received 9:10pm_

_What_

_-_

Hinata stared blankly at the screen. Trust Kenma to reply so fast with such minimal writing. But Hinata didn’t mind and took Kenma’s answer as an approval for him to continue.

 **To: Kenma**  
Sub: question  
 _Sent 9:12pm_

_is it wierd to thnk abt ur friend alot?_

_lik nt in a friend freind way_

_but like a i want 2 hug u kind of way…?_

_-_

Hinata hesitated a little before sending the text, wondering if he was being too direct. Kenma was pretty smart so he could probably figure it out easily. But Hinata didn’t want to beat around the bush because that took far too long and he needed to know _now._

A couple of minutes passed with no reaction from his phone. Although it hadn’t been that long of a wait, Hinata felt like a few hours had passed already as he restlessly fidgeted with the contraption, anxiously awaiting a reply.

Finally his phone vibrated in his hand, causing Hinata to jump as he frantically went to open the message he had received.

 **From: Kenma**  
Sub: Re: question  
 _Received 9:17pm_

_…_

_Is this about Kageyama?_

_-_

Hinata’s face heated up as soon as he read the familiar name on the screen and he almost dropped his phone, managing to save it at the last moment with a clumsy hit from his hand which propelled the phone forward onto the soft material of his bed, rather than the slightly more damaging carpet. Yes he _knew_ that Kenma was smart and good at noticing this kind of thing, but he didn’t think it was _that_ obvious.  Hinata fumbled around with the keypad and typed the only answer he could think of during his moment of confusion and embarrassment.

 **To: Kenma**  
Sub: Re: Re: question  
 _Sent 9:19pm_

_wwat? nnoo wat r u talkn abt?_

_ofc nt! ths is jst my friends prablm!_

_nt me! nt at all!_

_-_

After quickly hitting the send button, Hinata realised that he might’ve accidentally included a few more spelling mistakes than usual…

There was another ‘long’ period of silence and Hinata wondered if Kenma had given up on him. Maybe he was a little too suspicious earlier…? He whipped up his phone to send another text but before he was able to start typing, his phone buzzed again and Hinata hurriedly opened the message, abandoning the blank draft.

 **From: Kenma**  
Sub: Re: Re: Re: question  
 _Received 9:26pm_

_Well it’s not particularly weird is it?_

_Just means that you don’t think of them as a ‘friend’ anymore,_

_But rather you think of them as something else._

_-_

Hinata tilted his head, puzzled.

 **To: Kenma**  
Sub: just tell me alrdy  
 _Sent 9:27pm_

_wats that suppsed to mean?_

**From: Kenma**  
Sub: Re: just tell me alrdy  
 _Received 9:27pm_

_It means that you think about them differently._

**To: Kenma**  
Sub: wat!  
 _Sent 9:28pm_

_but that dsnt anser my q!_

**From: Kenma**  
Sub: Re: wat!  
 _Recieved 9:30pm_

_…_

_Fine I’ll tell you since you’ve at least made an effort…_

_It means that your ‘friend’ is in love with your other ‘friend’_

_-_

Hinata laughed.

 **To: Kenma**  
Sub: Re: Re: wat!  
 _Sent 9:31pm_

_lol hahahahhaha_

_wat r u saying_

_boys cant date together_

_so wats the real reason_

**From: Kenma**  
Sub: LOVE  
 _Received 9:32pm_

_Boys huh…_

_So it really is as I thought…_

_Shouyou please do read this message carefully_

_YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH KAGEYAMA_

_L-O-V-E_

_Please can you get that in your head_

_-_

* * *

 

Love? Hinata mouthed the words in silent confirmation, as if he was making sure that that was really what he was reading. After a few minutes of sitting still and slowly processing exactly what he had seen, his cheeks erupted into a bright tomato colour.

If Hinata was red before, he just took it to a whole new level. His face had completely burned up, so much you’d think he was running a high fever and was in urgent need of help. Hinata flung the phone out of his hand and onto his pillow and scooted as far as he could away from it.

No. NO. Not Kageyama! There was NO WAY that he loved him. Not that asshole. Never!

He knew what love was and he was sure it did not apply to Kageyama.

It’s not like he wanted to spend all of his time with Kageyama (he already did). It’s not like he wanted Kageyama to notice him (“Kageyama! I’m here!”). It’s not like he wanted to look at his sweat slicked skin when he played volleyball, the little bit of his stomach that he caught every so often when he jumped or his glinting eyes during his moments of concentration that sent shivers up his spine (good ones). That would be gross.

And he most definitely _did not_ want to do the things in the shoujo manga that his sister Natsu had forced him to read like hugging, holding hands, going on dates or even k…kissing.

But Hinata couldn’t help but feel the dull pounding within his chest grow faster and stronger. His heart ached for the volleyball he had known and been playing up until a few weeks ago. But that was not all. Although he wanted so much to see all his teammates again and laugh like there was no tomorrow, he couldn’t deny that out of all people, he wanted to see Kageyama the most.

But he had already made his resolve, swore to himself that he wouldn’t go anywhere _near_ the court anymore.

It’s already too late, Hinata tried to tell himself. You already wrote that letter, there’s already no going back.

He continued repeating the line, desperately trying to convince himself and quell the feelings welling up from within.

Yet it was still so painful.

As much he wanted to, he couldn’t just ignore his feelings.

He wanted to see Kageyama back on his feet and playing volleyball again.

He wanted to see Kageyama’s pissed off face again even though it was scary, because it would tell him that he was back to normal.

He wanted to hit that special toss meant for him and only him, _one last time._

He wanted to pump his fist into the air knowing that Kageyama would be beside him, doing the same, _just once more._

He wanted Kageyama to tell him that he was _invincible._

_Just once more._

No matter what it took.

_Just one more time._

Even if that meant betraying his resolve.

And how could he never have noticed it?

So many times he could’ve had the chance so why did he never _fucking notice it?_

Why did he never notice that he was _so in love with Kageyama?_

Hinata curled his legs up towards his chest and buried his face into his knees, his soft orange curls splayed across his bare skin. He squeezed his eyes shut and just let the tears flow down, sniffling and squeaking every few seconds as quite as he could because all he wanted was to be alone. And the stream kept flowing, purely and innocently down his small red cheeks.

Because he _knew._

He knew that no matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, deep down in his heart, hidden in a place that was so hard to reach even his own thoughts didn’t know how to get there,

That just _one_ more time,

Just one more _singular_ moment,

_Would never be enough._

He wanted,

He wished,

He _needed_ it to be

 _Forever_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW LIKE WOW  
> HINATA FINALLY  
> HONESTLY HOW SLOW COULD YOU GET  
> (not that I dont mind huehuehue)  
> And sorry if you guys cant read the texts  
> If you guys cant, comment below and I'll change it...  
> THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE COMMENTS   
> Please continue supporting this trash of an author TuT  
> See you guys next chapter~~~


	12. Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY GUYS  
> I THINK THIS IS THE LONGEST GAP BETWEEN MY CHAPTERS  
> I got stuck in svere writer's block again... OTL  
> Plus i had a bunch of tests in school...  
> Still not that happy with this chapter nothingis really happening...  
> sigh...  
> It was originally supposed to be longer but then I realised I wanted to seperate the partss  
> so now its kinda short...  
> But for what its worth  
> Enjoy chapter 12~~~

The same black clothed high school students were back the next day, but this time in the morning, to visit Kageyama again. They stood out as much as ever, their black shadows piercing through the bright white. And of course, they earned themselves a fair share of stares that could probably last them quite a while.

But what was different however, was the rather tense atmosphere that hung uncomfortably in the air, causing a few wandering glances from other visitors to quickly turn away to watch something else. After all, no one could forget Daichi’s words from yesterday, ringing loud and clear in their eardrums.

_“He’s in a very bad condition.”_

All of Karasuno placed themselves around the waiting room, lips pursed and fists clenched. Not a word was exchanged amongst them.

When at last a nurse came to lead them to the room, they followed in silent pursuit, holding their breaths and crossing their fingers in their pockets and behind their backs.

* * *

 

 “What’s Kageyama’s current status!?” Tanaka growled at Dr. Saito with a murderous flash in his eyes, all trace of the previous terse feeling gone without a trace. Nishinoya had the same expression while Sugawara and Daichi tried their best to calm them down with the rest of the team behind them, sitting on the edges of their seats. Dr. Saito however, seemed rather unfazed by this. After all, he had plenty of experience as a doctor and Tanaka most certainly was not the first to react in this manner.

He did look rather conflicted by something else though, and an unreadable expression crossed his face. Everyone’s faces in the room instantly fell because that certainly didn’t seem like a good thing.

“I think your coach had better tell you,” Dr. Saito sighed. “You would probably feel more comfortable that way.”

All heads turned toward Ukai, hoping for some good news (which they hoped, wished so hard they would get) who only gave Daichi a simple nod.

Daichi nodded back and cleared his throat, preparing himself for what he was about to say.

“Well, luckily for us, Kageyama will be making a full recovery,” he began.

He was met with a room of blank faces and open jaws. Daichi chuckled, pulling the trigger and sending the room into utter chaos.

The room filled with cheers and whoops of joy as everyone celebrated their (short lived) victory until Daichi coughed loudly, signalling the need for silence once again.

“However, if he doesn’t wake up in the next couple of days, he will likely undergo surgery which means he will be in hospital for at least another month or two. Only _if_ he doesn’t wake up.” Daichi particularly strained the word ‘if’.

Naturally, the two hotheads, Tanaka and Nishinoya immediately went into a state of panic, devising random plans to get Kageyama to wake up at rapid fire, none of which were likely to work.

Asahi began blubbering, coming up with a whole string of possible ways things might turn wrong while Sugawara sternly told him to shut his mouth and stop being so pessimistic.

The rest of the team went into a stunned silence, with the exception of Tsukishima who had already tuned out, concerned only with the fact that Kageyama wouldn’t die.

As the prospect of being no longer able to see the freak quick for quite some time slowly settled in, the commotion in the room faded out, leaving behind only grim looks and sour faces.

“Don’t worry,” Daichi grinned. “Dr. Saito here says that there will be a good chance he will wake up today or tomorrow.”

Grim looks and sour faces were replaced with ones of a mix between relief and scepticism.

“He’s right,” Dr. Saito chipped in.

“B-but didn’t you say that he was in a bad condition?” Tanaka stumbled over his words.

“Hmm… well I still can’t deny that Kageyama-san was _indeed_ in a bad condition. He seems to be a rather remarkable case,” Dr. Saito mused, deep in thought.

Tanaka raised his eyebrow in confusion.

“Well I’ve seen cases like Kageyama-san’s a few times before, ones that our medical instruments were unable to really figure out the source of the problem,” Dr. Saito continued. “All of them thus far have resulted in surgeries because we needed to look inside in order to figure out what was really happening.”

“Wait… d-don’t tell me…” Nishinoya murmured.

“Oh no don’t worry,” Dr. Saito said quickly. “I still believe that Kageyama-san has a high chance of regaining consciousness before surgery is necessary, and that is why I said that his case seems to be different from those I have experienced before.”

When blank looks crossed the team’s faces rather than understanding, Dr. Saito decided to elaborate further.

“What we’ve discovered is that many of these cases are related to mental and emotional issues, in other words, people who have recently been experiencing severe mental or emotional strain. Do any of you know whether or not this is true for Kageyama-san?”

A few slow nods answered his question.

“Right. So what happens is that once the severity of the problem reaches a certain point, it causes their immune systems to shut down and can put them into a coma. This is most likely what happened to Kageyama-san. In the end, we have to manually get the immune system up and running again and that is why we need the surgery. Are you still with me?”

More nods.

“However, with Kageyama-san, the unusual thing is that it seems his status had improved greatly just overnight and the only explanation I can come up with was that he was able to experience a lifting of his mental stress, even if it was subconsciously. Did any of you happen to stop by last night before visiting hours ended?”

A silent agreement of _Hinata_ rang through the minds of all the members of Karasuno before they shook their heads. Only Sugawara smiled thoughtfully though, which went unnoticed by anyone but Daichi who decided to keep quiet.

“Well that’s rather odd. Anyway, hopefully Kageyama-san will be waking up soon, it may very well even be today. If he does, I would like you guys to inform me immediately. There should be a button near the bed that will alert a nurse. I’m sure you won’t miss it.”

After hearing such contrasting news from yesterday, the boys in the room could not do anything except nod their heads excitedly.

“Enjoy your visit,” Dr. Saito smiled.

* * *

 

Daichi split the team up into the same groups as yesterday the only change being Tsukishima, who had decided not to go in at all.

The first group, now consisting of only Yamaguchi, Narita and Kinoshita, stayed a little longer than last time. Yamaguchi ran out first, calling “Tsukki!” multiple times while running down the corridor, earning him some dirty looks from some other visitors and a “Tch, shut up Yamaguchi,” from Tsukishima who was actually waiting for him. He replied with the same “Sorry Tsukki!” and they left the hospital. Narita and Kinoshita followed soon after.

Tanaka and Nishinoya came tumbling in through the entrance yelling “Kageyama! Are you awake yet!?” with a flustered Ennoshita scrambling after them trying to get them to shut up.

“But Chikara, if we’re loud enough then maybe he’ll get disturbed and wake up!” Nishinoya chirped after Ennoshita tried to tell them why they shouldn’t be shouting in a hospital.

Ennoshita groaned. “That’s not how it works!” he cried in exasperation.

“Sure it is! Being unconscious just basically means he’s asleep right? So loud noises should wake him up!” Tanaka reasoned.

“No! Listen to me!” Ennoshita grumbled, trying to think of something to say that would make them stop. “If you keep shouting, he’ll get headaches and be even less likely to wake up!”

They quietened down immediately. Ennoshita mentally patted himself on the back for thinking of that dumb excuse.

But even though Tanaka and Nishinoya weren’t making any noise, they were still restless, anxiously pacing up and down the clamped space. After about forty five minutes, they were still fidgeting around.

Ennoshita heaved a sigh. “C’mon let’s go, we have to let Sugawara-senpai and the others come in too.”

“But what if Kageyama wakes up while we’re not here?” Tanaka asks with Nishinoya nodding his head vigorously in agreement.

“What? So you don’t trust the third years to take care of him?” Ennoshita huffed. “I thought you would be better than that. I’m disappointed.” Ennoshita shook his head in disdain.

Tanaka and Nishinoya took the bait and said that of course they trusted their senpai and how could they ever not? They decided to still remain at the hospital though, so they waited outside the room for their ‘trustworthy’ senpai to finish up.

“So, Suga,” Daichi said, once the third group had filed into the room. “What was that smile earlier all about?”

Sugawara laughed sheepishly. “I guess nothing slips past you.”

“Yup so tell me.”

“Yesterday I had to go back to the hospital to get my drink bottle that I’d left behind—“

“Wait so are you telling me that _you_ were the stress reliever?” Daichi said astounded. Sure Sugawara was an angel but he didn’t think that he and Kageyama were _that_ close.

“No let me finish,” Sugawara said, a playful smile forming on his lips and a glint in his eyes. “And guess who I saw there?”

And then it dawned on Daichi. “Wait… don’t tell me…?”

“I bumped into Hinata and you should’ve seen the look on his face! He was red and everything!” Sugawara burst into a fit of giggles. “Even though he said he didn’t want to come, Daichi they’re practically a match made in heaven!”

“And a troublesome one at that…” Daichi grumbled.

“Eh?” Asahi began. “But aren’t you two like that t—“ Asahi began before Ukai inconspicuously kicked him in the shin.

Almost in response to the new lively atmosphere, a ruffling of sheets and a soft airy breath sounded from the corner of the room.

Everyone froze. Was that just their imagination?

More rustling and airy breaths confirmed their suspicions. Sugawara didn’t hesitate to slam down the button beside the bed.

Soon Dr. Saito and a couple of nurses were rushing into the room along with Tanaka, Nishinoya and Ennoshita and were crowding around the bed.

The hand holding the letter was sluggishly brought upward and wiped a pair of bleary eyes.

“W…where am I?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still really sorry guys TnT  
> I probably will get slower and slower at updating ugh...  
> But please comment your thoughts and opinions on this chapter cuz i still think its not that great...  
> There was a little bit of DaiSuga in here (if you squinted)   
> And also if anyone is curious I do have a tumblr [baked-mashed-potato.tumblr.com](http://baked-mashed-potato.tumblr.com/)  
> Dont ask about the name lol  
> See you guys next chapter


	13. Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL   
> I finally got off my ass and did some work XD  
> *whispers* (this chapter is slightly longer than usual, keyword _slightly_  
>  Had to rewrite a few times and im still not happy TnT  
> But anyway Merry Christmas to you all! \  
> I just want to thank you guys SO MUCH for sticking around  
> I'm so lucky to get readers who can put up with a stupid writer like me TTuTT  
> So thanks guys XDDD  
> And for those who also read my other fanfic [Temptations](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2550365/chapters/5669963),  
> I have edcided to make a double release!   
> So the next chapter of that is out too :3  
> Anyway   
> For what its worth  
> Enjoy chapter 13~~~

Kageyama’s eyes flickered open to reveal blurry shapes of colour moving about over him and muffled noises and sounds lined with worry and relief. He blinked wearily, slowly clearing up his vision.

“W-where am I…?” Kageyama barely managed to choke out. His throat felt unbelievably dry, each breath, each swallow, each movement created painful friction as though his throat had been rubbed raw with sandpaper.

A bright yellow ray of light flowed through the polished glass window beside him, soaking him in a comfortable warmth. It reminded him a little of someone. He let his thoughts wonder elsewhere, until they were rudely interrupted by a large shadow casting over him.

Kageyama came face to face with an unknown man and he scrunched up his face in disdain. Who was this man? Then a familiar face popped into view. Sugawara-san? What was he doing here? Rather where was he exactly? No one appeared to have answered his earlier query.

“Kageyama! Are you ok? Do you feel sick anywhere?” Sugawara sputtered.

“Where am I?” Kageyama questioned again.

Surprisingly, it was not Sugawara who had answered, but rather the unknown man wearing what looked like a lab coat.

“Kageyama-san, you are currently at a hospital,” Dr. Saito answered. “I am the doctor who has been put in charge of you for your stay here.”

Kageyama raised an eyebrow, come to think of it he did recall collapsing and pandemonium in the gym before his mind blanked out.

“H-how long have I been asleep for?” Kageyama asked cautiously.

“Roughly three days.”

Three days!? Was he trying to say that he had missed out on volleyball practice for three days straight? This was pathetic. He needed to go back and immediately begin practicing. There was a tournament coming up what was he doing for goodness sake.

Kageyama slowly pushed himself up and off the bed, his arms struggling under the weight, before a strong wave of nausea swept over him, forcing him to collapse back onto the mattress.

“You shouldn’t move around too much,” Dr. Saito said gently, “we’ll keep you in the hospital for another two to three days to allow you to rest. Then you will be free to go. However, we recommend that you do not partake in any physically or mentally straining activities for an additional week.”

What was he saying! He had a tournament to prepare for! He needed to practice!

Kageyama pushed himself up again with even more difficulty than earlier. However this time he was pushed back down by Sugawara.

“You heard him,” Sugawara warned in his motherly tone. “No volleyball. You’re to stay here until you are discharged.

***

Kageyama fought against Sugawara’s grip but in his weakened state, his strength was no match and so he eventually gave up.

“Good,” Sugawara smiled. He picked up Hinata’s envelope from off the floor where it had fallen in Kageyama’s previous struggles.

“Here,” Sugawara said grinning, holding out the crumpled letter to Kageyama. “It’s a letter from Hinata. You should read it.”

Kageyama stared at the plain envelope in his team mate’s hand in confusion. He glanced back up and Sugawara and wondered if it was really Hinata who had written it.

Sugawara laughed. “Don’t worry, Hinata wrote this of his own accord, I haven’t even seen it yet!”

Kageyama warily reached out and took the envelope. Hinata? Letter? That idiot was terrible with words. He had a feeling this was not going to pan out well.

Kageyama tore open the seal and pulled out a rather crumpled sheet of notebook paper. He made a quick scan over its contents and instantly recognized Hinata’s messy scrawl of a handwriting. Guess Sugawara wasn’t lying after all.

_Dear Kageyama,_

_If you’re reading this, that’s great! Means you’ve woken up and maybe you’re out of the hospital already! You’ll be able to play volleyball again right?_

Dumbass. Kageyama thought. Of course he was going to keep playing volleyball. That goes without saying.

_Listen, I know that recently things weren’t exactly going well between us ~~though it never has been,~~ and I just wanted to apologize for shouting at you._

_You know, you’re actually a really nice person Kageyama and I’m really surprised that I haven’t said anything about it before. You’ve given me so much. Even though I hated your guts so much when we first met ~~and I still hate them now,~~ I hate admitting this but you gave me my confidence back._

_You gave me a new way to fight, you opened up the sky for me with that one toss. I always loved the GWAH and PAH feeling that your tosses gave me and I really don’t know why I’ve never thanked you before for it._

Kageyama scoffed. Trust Hinata to use sound effects even in his own writing. It felt really cheesy too. Where was Hinata trying to go with this?

_So thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done. For tossing to me, for putting up with me and for just staying with me in general._

_And I’m kinda an asshole aren’t I? Not repaying back anything at all. All I’m good for is mooching off you and never giving anything back._

Dumbass, it should be the other way around. Kageyama thought. There were so many things Hinata had given him. Hinata had taught him the very essence of volleyball, how could that ever be nothing? Not to mention that Hinata was probably Kageyama’s only friend, not that he would ever admit it of course.

_I regret it so much. Not being able to help you at all. Even the fact that you collapsed was my fault. I don’t know if the doctor told you anything about it yet, but there were so many things you were dealing with all at once and I just had to come along and make everything worse._

_So I’m sorry. I’m sorry for ever yelling at you, sorry for ever making you angry. Sorry for everything bad I’ve done to you._

Kageyama wrinkled his eyebrows. Hinata apologizing? Never. Well at least not when hes in a position where Kageyama couldn’t hurt him. This wasn’t like him at all. Kageyama didn’t like where this was heading.

_Yet you’ve still put up with me, kept playing volleyball with me, kept making me invincible. And I don’t really deserve any of it really. All I’ve done is chucked what you’ve given me back at your feet, taking everything for granted._

_Kageyama, I don’t_ deserve _to play volleyball with you._

No. Hinata was not saying this. There was no way Hinata would write something like this.

_When you get back to school, or maybe you’re already back, you’ll continue playing volleyball in the Karasuno Men’s Volleyball Club. You’ll keep making that amazing set for ~~our~~ your amazing quick. _

Your? What happened to our? Kageyama’s hands were beginning tremble and he struggled to continue reading.

_You’ll be amazing like you’ve always been! I just know it! You’ll take the team to Nationals this year for sure! You’ll kick the Grand King’s ass and knock that Shiratori guy’s stupid title off his stupid head! It’ll be great!_

You, you, you. Everything was _you._ It was making Kageyama sick. The sentences were becoming erratic and messy like Hinata had been really excited when he was writing the letter. But in Kageyama’s retrospect, it all seemed so _forced._

Kageyama noticed that the ink on the paper was a little smudged for this point on.

_You’ll find someone way better than me! Someone who is ten times better! Someone who you don’t have to worry about their shitty receives or their weak ass serves. You’ll find someone who can do all of those things and also be able to match with you! You won’t need me anymore haha! Somehow that makes me feel a little lonely._

_But that’s ok because you’ll still be fine._

Kageyama’s stomach flipped and he felt like puking. No. NO. Kageyama needed Hinata to be by his side. Didn’t Hinata say that they would fight on the same stage? What happened to that? What happened to their promise? He wouldn’t be fine at all! He didn’t care that Hinata’s receives sucked and that he served into the back of his head. Kageyama _knew_ he wouldn’t be able to find someone like Hinata anywhere else in the world. And even if he could, there was no way he would look for them.

Kageyama needed Hinata. No. Hinata can’t leave volleyball, can’t leave _him._

_Thank you for everything Kageyama. Even if it didn’t seem like it, I really enjoyed the time I spent with you. Thank you so much._

_And sorry. Sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused, sorry for being useless, sorry for breaking our promise._

_Sorry for everything._

_I guess this is goodbye._

***

Kageyama stared at the letter in his hand, still processing exactly what he had just read. There was no way right? This must be just some kind of bad joke on Hinata’s part right?

Hinata wouldn’t leave him. He promised, _promised_ that they would fight on the same stage.

He PROMISED.

But the truth sunk in and wedged itself deep in Kageyama’s heart, chilling him to the bone. He felt his throat tighten and his fists tighten, scrunching up the flimsy paper in his hand.

“Kageyama?” Sugawara asked, failing to snap Kageyama from his train of thought.

Where was Hinata going to go after this? Was he going to leave and play another sport? Was he going to become like Asahi-san? No! Hinata had to go to nationals with him! Kageyama wasn’t going to let something precious slip away from him again.

“Kageyama?” Sugawara asked again placing his hand on Kageyama’s shoulder. “What’s wro—“

“NO!” Kageyama growled pushing himself off the bed. “Where’s Hinata that fucking dumbass! I’m going to punch some sense into that little—“

“No! Kageyama you have to rest!” Sugawara yelled back, barely keeping Kageyama’s sudden outburst down.

Hearing the commotion from outside, Tanaka, Nishinoya and Daichi rushed in.

“Let me see Hinata that fucking idiot! Where is he!?” Kageyama shouted in desperation.

“Help me keep him down guys!” Sugawara hissed.

Tanaka, Nishinoya and Daichi wavered a little, unsure of the situation, but followed Sugawara’s command nonetheless.

Kageyama fought and struggled, flailing his arms and legs around, trying to get out from underneath his team mates.

“Let me see Hinata! That fucking dumbass! Let me see that little shit! How dare he do this to me! Let me see him!” Kageyama screamed, over and over again.

The IV drip connected to his left forearm was ripped out and the stand carrying the fluid was knocked over in the scuffle, alarming the nurses who were walking by who also came in to help.

Eventually, Kageyama tired out due to having very low stamina and they managed to pin him down. Dr. Saito asked if he should remain in the room should anything pop up again but Sugawara kindly asked him to leave and give them a little privacy.

Dr. Saito seemed hesitant on possibly risking the chances of Kageyama lashing out again, but decided to leave them to their own devices.

***

“Hinata… Hinata can’t do this…” Kageyama whispered, his voice hoarse and scratchy from his excessive yelling.

Sugawara sighed, scratching his hair. “The letter was about _that_ wasn’t it?”

Tanaka and Nishinoya tilted their heads, puzzled, but Daichi visibly winced.

“I guess we really should have taken a look at that letter first…” Daichi muttered, shaking his head.

“What are you guys talking about?” Nishinoya questioned with Tanaka earnestly nodding his head beside him.

Sugawara and Daichi exchanged worried looks.

“I suppose they have the right to know,” Daichi sighed.

“Ok, I want you guys to listen very carefully to what we’re about to say,” Sugawara warned. “And that means no interruptions!” he added quickly after seeing the opening mouths of the second years in front of him.

“Hinata…” Daichi began, clearly hesitating. “Hinata… has quit the volleyball club.”

It hit Tanaka and Nishinoya like a tonne of bricks. Hinata quitting the club had never occurred as a possibility to them. After all, Hinata loved volleyball much more than they did, perhaps even _too_ much.

What kind of miracle could have brought this about? As Tanaka and Nishinoya opened their mouths to ask this very question, Daichi continued speaking, forcing them to shut up.

“He refused to tell us the reason and we couldn’t find the heart to keep asking. Sugawara and I, plus Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei also tried our very best to convince him to stay but in the end, it’s his own choice and he still chose to leave.”

“How can you say that Daichi-san!” Tanaka cried out, unable to contain his emotions any further. “How could you not care about a member of our club and just let him walk away like this?”

“Of course I would have liked it if he hadn’t left!” Daichi snapped, clenching his fists. “But at the end of the day, we are not him! It’s not in our place to decide whether or not he stays!”

Tanaka shrank back into his seat, unable to argue back. “But why Hinata? Why?”

Kageyama sat unmoving in the hospital bed, propped up by a few pillows. His head hung limp on his shoulders, his hands gripping the white sheets and the contents of the letter constantly replaying in his head.

The rage from earlier had long since died down and was instead replaced with a bitter sorrow and painful guilt.

_Sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused, sorry for being useless,_

Hinata just sounded so _hurt._ Kageyama didn’t know what Hinata had felt like when he had been writing the letter, but each sentence, each word, each letter was filled with so much pain that Kageyama couldn’t even begin to fathom what could have driven Hinata this far.

And there was that.

The fact that Kageyama wasn’t able to figure out anything on Hinata’s part. He hadn’t bothered to check on him when he went missing, hadn’t bothered to try and understand why Hinata had gotten so worked up when all Kageyama wanted to do was keep a secret hidden away. He hadn’t bothered dealing with the whole mixture of unknown feelings swirling around in his heart.

All Kageyama could picture were Hinata’s constant apologies and the tears running onto the paper, smudging the ink.

He wanted, _needed_ Hinata to come back. Needed him to play volleyball again. Needed to make him feel better.

_Needed to bring his smile back._

Because what use would a sun be if it wasn’t shining?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I forgot to mention but  
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BELATED BOY TOBIO  
> HOPE YOU GOT LOTS OF PRESENTS  
> (And kisses and hugs and make out sessions with Hinata ;))  
> Hope you all have a great holiday and if you ever want to talk  
> (not that you guys would want to haha...)  
> You can always hit me up on my tumblr [baked-mashed-potato](http://baked-mashed-potato.tumblr.com)  
> Thank you guys again and  
> See you guys next chapter~~~


	14. Blame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M REALLY REALLY REEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING UP TILL NOW.  
> I have an explanation on everything on my wattpad acc  
> IM SO SORRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY BUT CHAPTER 14 IS OUT AT LAST

Two days passed ever so slowly, trickling by as sleepless nights and plaguing thoughts of the letter stuck in Kageyama’s mind.

Two days and he was discharged, and not a single time during those two long days did he see even a glimpse of Hinata.

Multiple times he had attempted to escape the stifling hospital room, and multiple times he was forced back down onto the white mattress and underneath those constricting white sheets.

The rest of the team rather pampered Kageyama, as if they were the doting parents of a spoiled child. But just like any obnoxious brat, Kageyama was not at all happy with their efforts and wanted nothing more than to be released from the confinements of the space he considered a prison cell.

The day Kageyama was discharged, Dr. Saito repeated over and over again for him to take things easy and for there to be absolutely no volleyball for the next week. Kageyama, for the most part, didn’t focus his attention on the lecture, allowing the words to flow in through one ear, and straight out the other.

Soon after, Kageyama was back in the comforts of his own home and unsurprisingly, his parents were nowhere to be seen. His teammates had tried to follow him to his house, but were rejected by Kageyama’s rather convincing arguments.

It was nightfall by the time Kageyama landed face down onto the hard mattress of his still messed up bed, still the exact same crumpled sheets and strewn blankets as the day he had left them.

Kageyama pulled himself upright, reaching into his jacket pocket and gingerly lifting up the letter.

_Hinata’s letter._

Kageyama read the letter once.

Three times.

Yet he still couldn’t wrap his head around why exactly Hinata that stupid volleyball dumbass had decided to quit volleyball.

All he could see on that small little sheet of notebook paper were apologies. Lines of sorry’s and thank you’s. Neither terms seemed to fit Hinata’s character at all, the difference in character creating a truly unsettling feeling within the pits of Kageyama’s stomach. It felt as if his heart had sunk to his feet.

But none of the words in that message could compare to that last line consisting of only five measly words.

_I guess this is goodbye._

Kageyama laughed miserably at himself. What had become of him? Since when did volleyball become only a secondary concern for him? When did he become the sort of person who was easily broken down by five stupid words?

When did he become so attached?

Kageyama scrunched up the sheets underneath his palm, tightening his hand into a fist.

At that moment, emotions, both familiar and foreign, hit him hard, harder than anytime he could remember in his 15 years of living alone.

He felt rage. Immense, pure red anger. Kageyama admitted that he and the feeling of being pissed off had basically become best friends over the past couple of years, fuelled by his hunger for victory. But even so, the anger in which Kageyama thought he knew so well, never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine that it could pack such a punch. He yelled in frustration, directing his pent up feelings at anything he could find: the wall, the table, even his collection of volleyballs whom he treasured so much which ended up scattered across the floor.

Kageyama lay in a crumpled heap on the cold, worn-out floorboards. And then he _despaired_. Blue, blue, blue. Everything had become blue. The dark of the night seemed to become even blacker, colder, swallowing everything and leaving nothing in its wake. It was not so much the simple sadness which squeezed out a couple of tears, created gargling sounds in your throat and formed shameful and annoying hiccups on the tip of your tongue. No. It wasn’t that easy on Kageyama.

There were no tears. Kageyama’s eyes were as dry as they ever got, his pupils frozen as if in shock. He bade his eyelids to shut, close himself from the outside world, but despair wasn’t having any of it, forcing them open to see his own pitiful state.

There was no sound. Kageyama’s throat had constricted, cutting off all possible vibrations of even having the chance to reach his mouth. There was no release. Even his breathing became uneven and ragged, the raw dryness of his windpipe seemingly barely keeping him stable enough to retain consciousness.

As the phase passed, Kageyama felt exhaustion more severe than even the most intense volleyball games he had been in. As his breathing slowly evened out, and his eyes had closed, opened, closed again a few times, everything left him.

He felt completely and utterly empty, void of even his own thoughts. His limbs betrayed his commands, refusing to budge a single inch.

Even his dream of conquering the volleyball world and standing at the peak, a dream that had seemingly become ever so close after joining Karasuno, fell right past his fingertips.

His entire _purpose_ seemed to fade off into the distance, as if saying that he no longer had one.

Not without him.

Not without _Hinata._

_*_

 Both Kageyama and Hinata did not show up in the next volleyball practice.

The entire gym was quiet, aside from the unenthusiastic squeaks of shoes and the dull thuds of volleyballs on the hard gym floor. It seemed that even the inanimate objects that had learnt the presence of the two boys over time, had lost their interest in performing well in their absence.

Even the troublesome second years, Tanaka and Nishinoya who were always bursting with energy, to the point of being a pain in the ass had also put lids on their boundless vigour.

Kageyama’s case was well, understandable as he _was_ told to rest for another week. However, almost everyone in the team had expected him to show up nonetheless with his usual determination. Daichi and Sugawara both had even prepared arguments beforehand for why he should be resting, and both felt a little disappointed when they weren’t able to use them.

Everyone, aside from those present with Kageyama on the day he read the letter, had little to no idea on what exactly was going on, and with two of their loudest members missing so close to an upcoming tournament only seemed to create further uneasiness within them.

Then finally someone decided to drop the bomb.

“Surprisingly quiet without _those two_ here,” Tsukishima mumbled, directing his gaze to Daichi. “Something must have happened right?”

Daichi turned to face Tsukishima, while off to the side Yamaguchi whispered comments telling him to watch what he was saying. But Tsukishima didn’t budge, and kept his gaze trained on Daichi. Tanaka and Nishinoya visibly flinched, but kept quiet.

Daichi’s shoulders slumped. “Trust you to notice first… I suppose we can’t hide it any longer…”

Sugawara gripped Daichi’s shoulder and whispered “maybe not the best time…?” but Daichi only shook his head, squeezing Sugawara’s hand reassuringly.

“They need to know Suga.”

Sugawara looked ready to protest, ready to throw a million more arguments back Daichi’s way, even opening his mouth to speak. But in the end he decided against it. Daichi’s eyes, although tired and weary, were bright and determined and Sugawara knew best that there was no reasoning with Daichi when he was in that state.

So Sugawara just lifted his hand off Daichi’s shoulder and smiled a little remorsefully.

“Osu.”

 

*

 

Kageyama for the first time in his life, felt that there was something he needed to do that took priority over volleyball. It was a hateful feeling, a feeling of unease and unsettlement. He felt extremely guilty for tossing volleyball aside, but try as he might to focus on volleyball and only volleyball, soon his concentration would crumble, only to be replaced by that flimsy piece of paper.

_(And Hinata.)_

So much to his displeasure, and as much as he _did_ want to show up for morning practice, there was a more important task at hand. Kageyama pressed his fingers at the bridge of his nose, pinching his skin in an attempt to relieve his stress.

Kageyama felt like total shit. He couldn’t sleep at all last night (though he wasn’t surprised considering the situation), and ended up passing the time by thinking up multiple ways of apologizing that would come off as sincere to Hinata (because that _dumbass_ probably wouldn’t understand otherwise).

Kageyama stood outside Hinata’s classroom, glaring at the handle that seemed as though it would burn him if he so much as hovered near it. He could hear some people who were passing through the hallway snickering at Kageyama behind their hands.

Kageyama slowly brought his hand up, his hand shaking as he hesitated. What was he doing? He needed to get his act together and do what needed to be done! But here he was, wavering and unsure of what he was about to do. Unsure of what he _should_ do. How was he supposed to convince Hinata that he had no reason to apologize? That he should return to volleyball? His teammates?

That he should return to him?

He didn’t know how Hinata would react. Kageyama had never been so unsure about something his life before. He’d always been steadfast in what he wanted and it had always been volleyball, volleyball, volleyball.

But now it was different. It was–

The sudden grinding sound of the classroom door startled Kageyama out of his own thoughts. Kageyama was somewhat relieved, that now he was at least out of his cycle of uncertainty.

At least until…

“K…Kage…yama…?”

He froze. It took all of Kageyama’s strength to lift his head up. And there he was, his hair as bright as ever, but the colour gone from his cheeks, and the fire gone from his eyes.

And fear. The same kind of fear he saw in his opponents back in middle school when he had struck them down with ease and with no compassion.

Fear of _him._

“H… Hina–“

Kageyama felt himself being shoved away with such force, he had to hold onto the doorframe to support himself. He grunted as he felt an intense throbbing at his temple.

Hinata was standing a few meters away with his back facing him. He didn’t move, as if contemplating whether he should help or whether he should say something or whether he should turn around.

Kageyama saw his hands clench into tight fists, so much smaller than his own ones before Hinata took off in a sprint, his back shrinking with each step he took until he disappeared around a corner, no longer visible in Kageyama’s sight.

Not once did he look back.

 

*

 

It took Kageyama a little while to notice that there were quite a lot more than just a few pairs of eyes trained on him. He straightened himself up and turned to face the class, only to realise that the whole class had glares drilling into his own.

Kageyama was a little taken aback and while he had become accustomed to handing out glares at random, he had not much experience with receiving them himself. Especially not in this multitude. All members of the class were leaning into one another, whispering into each other’s ears, then shooting a disdainful look at Kageyama, before turning back again.

Kageyama’s puzzled face must have been clear as day because one of Hinata’s friends laughed mockingly in his direction. “Oi look! The king doesn’t even know what’s going on!”

“Well of course not!” another one sneered. “No dictator cares about his subjects, or should I say slaves!”

The class erupted into a chorus of jeering.

“Serves him right!” a girl sitting in a corner yelled. “Hinata-kun would be better off without him!”

And then everything made sense.

Hinata was bright. Hinata was happy. Of course his friends would notice if something wasn’t right. Of course his friends would _care_ about him. It wasn’t like Kageyama was Hinata’s only friend the same way Hinata was Kageyama’s only friend.

If Kageyama was the source of all Hinata’s issues, of course Hinata’s friends would take action.

Kageyama wanted to protest, wanted to say that it was all just a misunderstanding. But he didn’t have the luxury to do that. He didn’t have the right.

So he bowed. The deepest, most formal and sincere bow. A blanket of silence fell over the room. Kageyama couldn’t blame them. Even _he_ was a little surprised at himself.

He mumbled a tiny “I’m sorry”, but it seemed to carry itself through the room with ease. But alas, the world was not as forgiving as Kageyama could have wished for.

“Leave.”

Kageyama didn’t move.

“I said leave! If you truly know what’s best for Hinata, don’t show your face in front of him again!”

Kageyama jolted, but did as he was told. He paused as he was leaving out the door.

“Tell Hinata that I wish him the best of luck.”

And he was gone.

 

 


	15. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *crawls up from hell with a fic update*  
> I'm sorry everyone! But this is probably how irregular my updates will be now... And just to clarify, I have little to no guarantee that I will finish this fanfic. I will try, but my writing completely depends on my mood so there may be long gaps with no updates TTmTT
> 
> BUT THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH FOR SUPPORTING ME I APPRECIATE IT VERY MUCH! TTuTT
> 
> Leaving all that aside, I present to you chapter 15!

“Leave.”

Hinata flinched at how harsh the word came out. When he was the one surrounded by his classmates, they had always showered him with affection and appreciation. There was always a good laugh and he enjoyed their company as much as they enjoyed his.

Hinata didn’t know why or how there was such a drastic difference between his classmates’ treatment of him, and their treatment of Kageyama.

Well sure Hinata also thought that Kageyama was an ass the first time that they had met, but that was before. Kageyama had changed. He was different now. In a good way. He had started bonding with the team, something that had never even seemed possible a few months back. That’s why Hinata didn’t want to be the one in Kageyama’s way. That’s why he didn’t want to destroy that bond.

That’s why he didn’t want to stay by his side.

Hinata felt his chest tighten in response to his thoughts, but he quickly shook it away. It felt as though the cage he’d built around his heart was only getting tighter, and as each day passed, more suffocating.

He wondered how many keys he would need to open it now.

“I said leave! If you truly know what’s best for Hinata, don’t show your face in front of him again!”

Hinata knew he should have just left. Run off as far away as he could. But he couldn’t help himself and he peered around the corner in which he had been hiding.

There Kageyama was, bowing so low Hinata swore his nose could have touched the ground. Kageyama appeared so small, closed off from the rest of the world. Kageyama was supposed to be big and proud, not small and like a fragile glass shard.

The scene was so unfamiliar and out of place to Hinata, he just wanted to squeeze his eyes shut and remove the image from his memory. But every other part of his body begged to differ and he stayed frozen on the spot.

No. This was wrong. It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Kageyama was supposed to let go of Hinata, a mere pawn in his hand.

“Tell Hinata I wish him the best of luck.”

Kageyama only whispered those words before turning away and leaving in the opposite direction and for a moment, Hinata wondered if he had possibly heard wrong.

Even now, after all that had happened, Kageyama was still thinking about Hinata, worrying about him. Hinata felt pathetic. He thought that maybe he was going about this the wrong way, that maybe he should just muster up his courage for once and just come out and apologize. But that wasn’t right. Hinata had already made up his decision and he wasn’t about to back down from something he had struggled so hard to do.

He couldn’t let Kageyama find out because he _knew._

He knew, that as much as he wanted, there would never be a forever between them.

 

*

 

Hinata collapsed back into his seat after he had double, triple and even quadruple checked that the coast was clear of Kageyama. Immediately after he had re-entered the classroom, he had become the centre of a gathering of his classmates.

They comforted him and told him that they had made sure to deal with that asshole Kageyama and that he no longer had to worry. Hinata mustered a smile, which he assumed was convincing enough because his classmates all brightened up at it.

“Having you around really is refreshing! Just like being in a sunny spot after a long while in the dark!” one of Hinata’s classmates chuckled.

“What kind of a dumb analogy is that?” Hinata laughed.

“But I’m seriously amazed you were able to put up with that Kageyama guy for so long!” one of the girls grumbled. “If it were me, I would have run off the second I saw him!”

The girl’s comment was met with nods of agreements and comments of the classmates’ own reactions and impressions of Kageyama.

Hinata did his best to keep up with the pace of the conversation, and although in the beginning, it was difficult to control himself from lashing out at the people who were insulting Kageyama (they were talking about the guy he likes for fucks sake!), soon he numbed out and joined in on the mockery.

 

*

 

“Oi Hinata! Someone’s looking for you!”

Hinata turned to the direction of the doorway where a student from another class was standing.

One of his own classmates grumbled “it better not be that Kageyama bastard again!”

A tall figure followed by another slightly shorter figure stepped through the entrance and clicked his teeth.

“I’d prefer if you refrained from comparing me to that _King_ ,” the person spat out in a disgusted tone.

Hinata’s eyes widened as he looked up toward the shadow towering over him.

“Tsukishima! And Yamaguchi too! What are you guys doing here?”

Yamaguchi smiled awkwardly and scratched at the nape of his neck.

“It’s not weird to see a fellow member of the volleyball club is it?”

Hinata shrugged playfully.

“But why would Tsukishima out of all people come visit small ol’ me? I mean he usually keeps at least 10 meters between us!” Hinata joked.

“Besides, I’m not really part of the volleyball club anymore…”

Tsukishima scrunched up his face as though he had just smelled something that had gone sour six months ago.

“You quit because of Kageyama right?”

Hinata froze.

“Guess I hit the nail on the head?” Tsukishima smirked.

“The way you were talking about _him_ just now, you really seem to _hate_ him don’t you?”

“I get it, I get it. We all know that nobody likes the King. I guess you weren’t an exception after all. I mean it looked like you two were comfortable intruding in each other’s private spaces but I suppose in the end he was probably just pushing you around.”

_Badump Badump._

“It must have been really tiring to continue working with that asshole am I right? I can’t imagine having to be treated like a peasant day in, day out. I think I’d rather die before that.”

Hinata clenched his fist and began to shake a little, but otherwise remained silent. A few of Hinata’s classmates were looking at Tsukishima weirdly, but most of them were nodding their heads in tacit agreement.

“Ah~ It must feel so much better now with all that tension off your shoulders. It feels great not having that bastard by your side anymore no? No more angry yelling and insults, violence, and last but not least, you get to see him walking around like a total loner! It’s quite a sight, if I must say so myself.”

And with that, Hinata’s last strand of patience snapped.

“SHUT UP!” Hinata growled. “It’s not like that! It’s… not like that at all…”

Despite Hinata’s explosive burst of anger, it fizzled out as soon as it came and he slunk back into his seat, his head hanging over the desk.

“Then what is it?” Tsukishima questioned. “You hate him right?”

“I... I… N-no… H-hating him is… I could never…” Hinata stammered.

Tsukishima clicked his tongue.

“Then which is it? You’re not making any sense. You’re acting like you hate Kageyama’s guts, but then you tell me you don’t? What bullshit.”

“I-it’s not like you would ever understand!” Hinata cried out. “I bet you’ve never been in my situation! You’re a cold, heartless bastard who has a passion for nothing!”

As soon as the words escaped his lips, Hinata wished he could take it back. He knew that he was just taking his anger out on Tsukishima and sure, he thought what he had said was true to some extent, but he didn’t really mean anything by it.

“Ah… no… I mean…”

Tsukishima seemed completely unfazed by Hinata’s words and only narrowed his eyes.

“Then what _do_ you want to do?”

Hinata opened his mouth to say something, but stopped. What _did_ he want to do? He’d written that letter already. There was already no going back. But even if that was the case, he didn’t want to be like this. He wanted to be standing next to Kageyama on the court. He wanted to be able to stand up proud against his opponents and say “ _I’m the strongest decoy”_ and Kageyama would be there by his side to support him.

“Well?”

Hinata shook his head. No. It’s already too late. This was for Kageyama’s own good. This was the right thing to do. But what did he _want_? He wanted the thrill of the court again. He wanted to be able to play volleyball with Kageyama again. He wanted to confess his love, loud and proud without having to worry about the consequences.

“I…I don’t know… I want… I… Kageyama…” Hinata stammered.

 _He wanted Kageyama to say_ “I love you” _back to him._

Hinata lowered his head and just barely managed to squeeze out the next sentence, as if the mere existence of the thought would sully even the purest of hands.

“I… want to… be with Kageyama again.”

Tsukishima slammed his fist on the table, causing the whole crowd gathered around them to jump back a few steps.

“Then get the fuck out there, and do something about it,” Tsukishima hissed dangerously. “I’d rather see you two act like a disgusting couple then be crying yourselves to sleep like a pair of snivelling, spoiled brats.”

Hinata trembled in his seat. He had never seen Tsukishima so intense, even Yamaguchi seemed a little surprised. He always seemed so indifferent to anything, as if nothing really mattered to him.

Hinata squeaked out a small “y-yes!” and quickly dashed out the classroom before Tsukishima could lash out any further.

 

*

 

“Hey Tsukki, how did you know that would work?” Yamaguchi asked as the two left the classroom filled with bewildered students from Tsukishima’s earlier actions.

“That idiot couple is just dumb. If they didn’t have someone spell it out for them, they would probably just continue missing each other and have taken their secrets to the grave,” Tsukishima muttered under his breath, ignoring the multitude of stares drilling into the back of his skull.

“You sure know a lot don’t you?” Yamaguchi laughed before quickly shooting an apology over his shoulder and shutting the classroom door.

“They’re so hot-blooded, it would be a little hard to miss.”

“Ahaha, guess that’s true.”

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi walked down the hallway, empty as people were already in their respective classrooms, preparing for the day. They exchanged nothing but small glances and raised eyebrows, and a comfortable silence settled over the two.

Yamaguchi seemed to be contemplating something before Tsukishima spoke up again.

“They should just hurry up and get together before they start giving everyone more headaches,” he grumbled bitterly. “I hate to say this, but there’s no way we’re going to nationals without those idiots.”

Yamaguchi grinned.

“I guess you do care about them after all.”

Tsukishima pulled the headphones that had been hanging around his neck up and over his ears.

“Shut up Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry Tsukki!”

 

 

 

 

 


	16. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After 93485792384579345723947 years, I have finally updated this fic! As usual, thank you all for your continuous support! As a sort of apology, here is a longer than usual update (2401 words TTuTT) and yes that was a terrible bribe please forgive this terrible author once again for making you wonderful readers wait so long! 
> 
> I also am going to selfishly promote my oneshot 'December 22nd' (also KageHina ofc) because I'm an asshole like that. So if you havn't read it yet, head along to my profile to read it TTuTT.
> 
> Without further ado, I bring you chapter 16!

Dashing through the school hallway, Hinata could only run faster and faster in attempt to shake off Tsukishima's words.

 _Then what_ do _you want to do?_

They snapped and grabbed at his legs, refusing to let go. Hinata felt as though the more he tried to shut the thought out, the louder it echoed in his mind. Try as he might, he couldn't rid himself of it.

And worst of all, Hinata's reply above all, rang in his ears, loud and clear like an alarm that refused to be snoozed.

_I... want to... be with Kageyama again._

What was he thinking? Hinata could've sworn that his resolve had already become a hardened rock, immutable to its surroundings. But Tsukishima, that asshole just had to come in and make it crumble like dry soil in the palm of his hand.

What the hell was he supposed to do? It's not like an apology was as simple as chucking a few 'sorrys' at the receiver and expecting their forgiveness. It wasn't as simple as getting on your knees and begging for them to at least listen to your side of the story. Apologies didn't work that way.

Hinata suddenly stopped in his tracks.

What was he even doing? Just like he had thought, he had already made his resolve right? He didn't need to listen to Tsukishima. This had nothing to do with him after all. It was a problem between him and Kageyama.

Hinata turned his head toward the ceiling in realisation.

That's right, he didn't need to do anything. It didn't matter what he really felt. Hinata had done this for Kageyama in the first place. His personal feelings were never in the equation from the very beginning.

Everything was fine already. It was fine like this. It would just go back to before, when Hinata and Kageyama didn't know each other. It was simple if Hinata just thought a little more about it. They would simply go back to being strangers again. It wasn't rocket science.

Hinata glanced out the windows lining the walls in the corridor. The sun gleamed in the sky as the clouds almost seemed to part to make way for the globe of light.

As the first drops began to spill forth and stream down his cheeks, Hinata forced a smile to form on his face. He took a deep breath and smacked his cheeks, leaving a slight red tinge. Drying his eyes, he turned around and began making his way back to the classroom.

"You're doing well," Hinata whispered to himself. "Everything's okay, you're doing well," he repeated again and again, stronger and firmer each time.

_You're still okay._

 

*

 

Kageyama woke to the sudden absence of sound, the gentle lick of the wind and the warmth of the setting sun on his face. He lifted his head off his desk, his face covered in drool and his hair a dishevelled mess. Still groggy, he rubbed his eyes still droopy with sleep and straightened himself up.

Kageyama realised that he must have, like many other times, fallen asleep sometime during the afternoon classes. He supposed this was a good thing for once, because the day had seemed to be crawling along at the perfect speed to irritate Kageyama. Sleeping was a good way to kill time at least, although rather unproductive.

Kageyama also realised that, like many other times, no one had bothered to wake him up at the end of class. Not that it really mattered. He wasn't expecting anyone to do anything for him. Rather he would find it odd if anything. His classmates generally ignored him, going about their own business, and Kageyama preferred it that way. He never had many good memories associated with his classmates.

A soft breeze coming in through the open windows caused the curtains to flutter, creating dancing shadows amongst the amber orange rays of the setting sun.

Kageyama propped himself up with his arm and stared blankly out the window. His thoughts drifted to a certain shade of orange. One that he had become far too familiar with over the past few months.

He supposed he might give it one more shot.

 

*

 

Kageyama strolled casually along the path that he and Hinata had often walked on many times before. The sky was already beginning to turn dark and he would probably have to hurry if he was planning on getting home at any decent time before dusk. It probably wouldn't even matter anyway, it wasn't like there was anyone missing him at home.

Looking ahead, Kageyama realised he was approaching the intersection in which he and Hinata usually parted ways to head to their respective houses. Hinata to his family and Kageyama to his bed. Kageyama knew which direction Hinata headed down as he had seen it many times now, but truth be told, he had no clue where Hinata actually lived. It wasn't as if he had been before and Hinata didn't have any reason to tell Kageyama his address or to invite him over.

Hinata. That really was all he could think about lately. Thoughts of him would pop up everywhere at any given moment. He would catch him in the orange of the colourful street vendors he sometimes passed. He would hear him running around like a total dumbass through the glass window of the small sports equipment shop (it was far too limited to make any good purchases) near the school. And most often, he would feel Hinata standing next to him, leaning into his side and making it difficult to walk, constantly saying and repeating that he was there, and that he always will be.

Only when Kageyama stopped to turn his head, to look to his left, his right, his front and back to see Hinata, find Hinata, would he disappear, nowhere to be seen. He would turn his head back in disappointment, only to have 'Hinata' back to tormenting him moments later.

Kageyama came to a stop at the intersection. He was going absolutely nuts and he could stand it no longer. One more time and that would be it.

Kageyama shrugged his shoulders and headed in the direction of Hinata's house, wherever that was anyway.

 

*

 

Kageyama groaned as he reached the top of a steep hill, only to see many more lain out ahead. He felt like he had been walking for hours (it was probably only around 30 minutes), and his legs felt like lead as he lugged them up the countless hills that the road wound over.

Just how far from school did Hinata live anyway? He hadn't seen any other roads so he was sure he was going in the right direction, but he felt like he was somewhere in the middle of nowhere. No cars, no people, no houses.

Kageyama was beginning to wonder if he had accidentally wandered off track somewhere along the way, if that was even possible with only one path to head down. He thought that it may have been a good idea to ask around to see if anyone knew of a Hinata, but unfortunately for him, there was no one around to even approach.

Kageyama sighed as he watched the last of the sun dip down below the mountains. There was still a faint glow left, which was enough to light up the path ahead of him, but it had been made clear that there was no way he would be getting home anytime soon.

All of a sudden, a small yelp brought Kageyama's attention back to the road. There, standing a while away, was a small, slightly stout woman flailing her arms in the air. Curious, Kageyama moved closer to get a better look. He realised that she seemed to be standing outside a minimart (about a quarter the size of the ones he was used to seeing) and that she seemed to be holding something like broken plastic bags in her hands with a bunch of assorted groceries scattered across the street.

"Ahh... what am I going to do about this?" she mumbled as she hurriedly began to pick the groceries up one by one. She carefully cradled them in her arms, but the steadily growing pile quickly spilled over and she was back at square one, flustered and panicking.

"Umm..." Kageyama swallowed as he slowly approached the woman. "W-would you like some help?"

 

*

 

"Ahaha! I'm so grateful to you!" the woman chuckled. "Most youngsters these days are a bunch of brats who don't know how to do anything! It's a good thing you came along or I may have been in a bit of a pickle!"

Kageyama just stared ahead, groceries in arms, nodding here and there in agreement every so often, whenever he felt it was necessary. He had originally planned on helping the woman out so that he could ask about Hinata, but now he was beginning to regret it. Was everyone who lived in this area like this? Maybe they had nothing to do all day except to strike up conversations with each other?

As the woman continued to ramble on about nothing in particular, Kageyama was actually a little glad for all the background noise. It felt a little like Hinata had come back, with his annoyingly loud voice and animated character.

"You're a real nice kid aren't ya?" the woman chortled.

Kageyama was a little taken aback by the comment. It wasn't every day that he was complimented, especially not by a stranger. He was more used to frightened looks or hushed whispers behind hands. Not something like... well... this. Not knowing what to say in response, he just nodded and continued staring at the empty space ahead.

"You're from Karasuno high school am I right?"

Kageyama nodded again. He supposed the uniform probably gave it away. Not many high schools still required males to wear gakuran after all.

"I also have a son who goes to the same school," the woman continued. "I wish he were a bit more like you. He does nothing but eat, sleep and play volleyball all day!"

Kageyama's ears, which had long since become accustomed to drowning out loud background noises, missed everything the woman had said except for the word 'volleyball'. Immediately, his face lit up.

The woman, who considered herself to be a rather attentive person, did not miss this (not that it was easy to miss).

"Oh? Are you in the volleyball club too?" she inquired knowingly.

Kageyama jolted in surprise, nodding his head slowly in response. He no longer really knew whether this was a good thing, because volleyball always reminded him of Hinata, and the empty space in which he left behind.

Realising she may have touched on a sensitive topic, she quickly pointed ahead.

"We're here!" she said hurriedly.

Kageyama, glad to have an excuse not to talk, sighed a breath of relief. He handed the remaining groceries to the woman, balancing them carefully in her arms. The woman thanked him and he turned to leave before pausing in thought.

"Um... excuse me?" Kageyama interjected.

"Yes?" the woman replied, already halfway inside her house.

"Do you happen to know a Hinata by any chance?"

"Oh!" the woman exclaimed in surprise. "Hang on a second while I go put the groceries down," and then the woman disappeared around a corner.

Finally, Kageyama thought. At least it seemed that she knew who he was talking about.

Moments later, the woman reappeared with a huge grin on her face. Confused, Kageyama wondered if Hinata was some big deal in this area that would make someone smile so brightly.

"Ahaha, I'm a little embarrassed that I forgot to introduce myself."

Huh? Kageyama thought. He was now even more confused than before. How did asking for a Hinata have anything to do with the woman introducing herself? Well he supposed it was good manners but this timing sure was awkward.

The woman gestured toward the brick wall surrounding the house and Kageyama's eyes widened. There, written in nice, neat typography was the word 'Hinata'.

"My name is Hinata Sakiko," the woman beamed. "Proud mother of Hinata Shouyou. Pleasure to meet you! You must be one of his teammates?"

Kageyama wasn't mentally prepared for this.

 

*

 

Hinata didn't think he had ridden his bike so fast before (aside from the time when he was visiting Kageyama in the hospital) but he was definitely 100 percent screwed. His friends had taken him to karaoke as a sort of cheer up gift, and he kind of forgot to tell his mum.

He was going to get one hell of a lecture later.

Well at the very least, he did manage to avoid Kageyama for the rest of the day, diving behind unknowing students and squeezing himself in between unimaginably small spaces in order to escape Kageyama's sight. It had worked, at least that's what Hinata had assumed, since he didn't catch Kageyama's eyes facing in his direction a single time throughout the day.

It hurt a little to do something like that, since he was so used to trying to force himself into Kageyama's line of sight. But it was okay since it was for Kageyama's sake.

"It's okay," he huffed under his breath.

Hinata pulled his bike into the area beside his house, gasping for air and desperate for a drink. He swung the door open and immediately noticed a third pair of shoes sitting in the foyer. Was someone visiting?

Upon closer inspection, Hinata realised the shoes looked eerily familiar and he felt his heart catch in his throat and his hands start to shake.

There was no way right? It was just someone with a similar taste in shoes. Yes that must be it. That had to be it.

Hinata steadied his hands and stammered "you're okay, it's okay, everything's okay" countless times to himself.

"I'm home!" he yelled down the corridor.

"Welcome back!" his mum yelled from the kitchen. "Good timing, your friend's here!"

_It's okay._

Hinata began taking small steps toward the source of his mother's voice.

_Everything's okay._

"Hurry up! Don't keep him waiting!" his mum shouted. "Sorry about my son," she murmured in a more hushed tone."

_You're okay._

Hinata stepped into the dining room and there he was, in all his glory, just had Hinata had feared.

"Y-yo." Kageyama mumbled.

_He was definitely NOT okay._

**Author's Note:**

> Very irregular updates sorry! DDD:  
> Catch me on my [tumblr](https://baked-mashed-potato.tumblr.com) if you want to talk about random stuff


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